Mom has been is a very nice assisted living Ctr last 4 months. She agreed to go, but really fought it after getting there. She calls all day long. First question each day is,"I don't know what to do." She was an avid reader-won't read anything, doesn't really socialize much, wants one of us sitting with her each day. How can we help her adjust to the center and be less dependent on us?
Soconfused, I wish you every success with helping your mother to settle down in her new home. I think all of the advice is good, and will really help both your mother and you; but I must admit I hate to imagine the confusion your mother must be feeling meanwhile, with nothing making sense to her, poor lady. Evil, evil disease. I hope she starts to adjust very soon.
My mother had dementia. She really didn't have any interest in socializing with the other residents during planned activities. All she wanted was me. It broke my heart to see how unhappy she was. Soooo, everyday I stopped by her nursing home on my way home from work, and also on the weekends. We never had much money when I was growing up so I didn't have a lot of "things". What she and my dad gave me was their time. I thought of this time in our lives when she was in the nursing home as me giving some of that time back to her.
Until she passed away at nearly 102, my aunt (Mom's sister) had a perfect memory and often reminded me to do things. When she was in a nursing home she took part in all the activities that they had to offer. She also had a huge circle of friends of all ages, and they visited her often.
Her circle of friends was a godsend not only to her, but also to me. :)
I know it is hard not wanting to be with your Mom as you feel she is lonely. I had to pull myself away from going daily by going every other day.... then every 3rd day... and now down to once a week. I found that my Dad didn't even realize I wasn't there those other days. Dad has his male buddies that he eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner so he's not going without interaction.... plus mornings where he gets physical therapy.
Now for my Dad, even though he is now in Memory Care, I kept on his outside Agency caregivers to be there in the mornings, they have been with him for almost a year now. I wanted that routine for him.
Next, for your well-being. Start a calendar for mom and mark the days and times you will visit and maybe the activity you plan to do together. Stick to the schedule. Block moms calls on your phone for a couple weeks. If she leaves a message, call her back. Maybe explain that you will call every evening at 5pm or on those evenings when you won't be visiting.
It can take months to adjust and start eating in dining room, go to activities, etc. Hang in there.