My mother has dementia and is 94 years old, I am her medical advocate, and Power of attorney, I have 4 other siblings. Four years ago we had to remove her from her home as she could no longer take care of herself, she has since lived at each of our home for extended lengths of time. Two years ago I made the decision to admit her into a group home facility as I could see it was causing a great deal of distress for the family and her to deal with constant moving. This is when the problem started, my brother became extremely upset, told me I was terrible and abusive and that he no way agreed to this arrangement and he wanted to take on the responsiblity of her care. I did not agree with this but I asked the other siblings what they wanted and it was decided that he would become her caregiver. He has been paid $1800.00 a month, compensation for this, for the last 18 months. In November she took a fall, and ended up in hospital, with a fractured hip. The hip was fixed and she was placed in a therapy nursing home for recuperation, upon finding she had dementia they released from therapy and sent her back to his house. She is now incontinent, and does not communicate very well. We she was released back to my brother, I explained to him that he was going to have to hire help for care, bath, etc. , which he said he would do. He has not done that, instead he informed me I would pay him $3500.00, per month and he would see that there was help, he lives 3 hours from my home. I have since come home and found a wonderful adult home, that would be willing to care for her, less than a mile from my home and I would like to place her there. My other three siblings, are all for this as they agree she needs more care. I have approached him regarding this and he is unwilling to release her to me, stating I am abusing and neglectful regarding her care. I have no idea what to do any ideas
It seems that your brother wants the money and that's not in your mom's best interest. If you need to take legal action, an elder law attorney may be able to throw a scare into your brother so he let's you use your POA.
Good luck with this. It's hard when family differences become so ugly.
Carol
It seems to me that your brother does not want to give up his monthly payment... It was going to end sometime!!
Again! I say you are your Mom's advocate and she should be your only concern right now...