My Mom (78) had a severe stroke 2 months ago and does not want me to visit her in the place she is in. Any advice?

She will be leaving the facility within 2 weeks. There are 2 kind of nursing homes: skilled nursing/rehab and custodial. She is in the skilled nursing facility, or sub-acute rehabilitation they call it. After that I don't know. She might be able to live in an apartment with an aide. I don't know if she could ever be left alone, so maybe that is not an option. I haven't seen her in 3 months so I don't know.

She will be leaving there soon so I am trying very hard to get in touch with her. I want to at least talk to her, and have her not be angry at me or not wanting to talk to me. I don't want to not see her again or not be able to even know where she is. Then I will really be upset. My brother will tell me nothing.

I am not such a good worker. My father gave me so much money and I am used to getting things without having to work for them. It's the truth. I went to see a psychiatrist one time, my father paid for it. I had legal difficulty, it's hard to explain. It was a private psychiatrist. He told me my father doted on me. he gave me an apartment and paid all my bills and gave me money and paid for my tuition, my therapy, my legal bills.

Ok, so that's what he said.

I have spent a lot of time posting here. Most of you who have been responding are people around my mother's age, maybe that is why I like talking with you. I thought that posters on this forum would be caregivers, not oldsters or whatever you want to call them. And a lot of people who post in other areas are, I guess.

I think I had been getting very depressed. And given up on looking for work for a long time. And happened upon this craig's list job ad for the agency that works with enterprise. i had only worked there a few weeks and then the stroke happened.

I keep calling the nursing station. Due to patient care needs everyone is busy, the message says. And there is another message from the samaritans. It's so sad, the old tube tv with the broken speaker that was never replaced, that was all my mother had. She sat there on the couch with her snack and eating sometimes.

There was a time when we had no money for food. Her credit card bills she couldn't pay and there was no money for food. There was nothing. We went for days without eating. She had to go into manhattan to get money from my brother. I wasn't even looking for work. The laundry just piled up and I had to put it in the closet it was so bad. She stopped paying and hasn't answered the telephone in years. They still call. They called today. I made her walk or go with a shopping cart alone to food pantries. I didn't even go with her. She had to walk back with the shopping cart all alone.

She would always call the bank on the third thursday or wedensday of every month to make sure the check had been deposited in the bank. She paid all the bills by phone. I never knew how she did it, she did all her banking and bill paying over the phone.

The doorman came up before, he came into the apartment, I thought he had something to say about my mother. He made some very crude gestures and did some things I didn't like. I think he was drunk. He has a wife and kids, probably 6 or 7 with different women.

We had great times too, just me and my mother going to the zoo and the museum. Hard to believe she did all that on public transportation. She was so pretty, I never told her that, but she looked very cute in the one picture I have of her from the zoo. She went out and worked too, in a program for senior citizens. I forget what it's called. Yes I made her go out and work.

I call in the morning. She's having breakfast. I call later. She's in therapy. I call after that. Answering machine. Or they say she's downstairs. Probably having therapy. I never knew where the dining area was. On the same floor? They have pictures on the website, I think it is on a different floor. Someone here once said they knew of Trump Pavilion.

Too much time spent postin ghere.

Scott do you have obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd). It sounds like you keep repeating yourself over and over. The people on here are good and very kind and understanding. You keep posting the same thing and it appears that you are either not reading their posts or you are just dismissing what people are trying to help you with I am not trying to be mean at all but why do you keep saying the same thing and never try to help yourself? If you continue to post the same thing people are going to stop listening to you. Why don't you try to find another job or an additional one as someone here mentioned?? You say you feel better when you are busy and that it keeps your mind occupied. We all feel sad for what you are going through which has been respected many many times. I will not comment on this thread again. Good luck and God bless

Repeated

No one has ever told me I had that. How would you know if you did? I could never seem to throw anything away. The apartment is filled with my junk. All my mother had was a bed in a corner of the apartment and a tv and clothes.

I tried calling my mother just now and my brother answered. He threatened me with the order of protection again. It does not say to stay away from her. She will be leaving that place in a week or so anyway.

Because it will be very hard for me to find a job with my employment record, or lack of one. This job was so easy to get, which is probably why it isn't so great. I get so upset talking with my brother. I want to talk to my mother, yes, I keep repeating that. He is telling her not to see me saying that there is a stay away order when there isn't one.

I won't be able to say that in a couple of days when she is discharged. Only a few, and then I won't know where she is so I couldn't call her even if she wanted to talk to me.

Yes I called my aunt again and left a message, and my cousin. It just makes me so upset every time I speak with him. I can't even describe how it is to speak with him, the way he is toward me. I can't even describe it. 17 years, I have been here 1/3 of my life. Why is he doing this? Telling her not to speak with me? Why does he speak to me like he does? He's a busy NY attorney general now. I can't even talk to my own mother. He's putting me out of this apartment like it's nothing. If I ever ask him anything he says I don't know, or I don't want to discuss it. I've been so upset going to work each day not speaking with my mother for so long. I woke up each day and just lay there like I was catatonic. I wake up and feel like I just can't believe this is happening. The thought of not having my mother to talk to, not even knowing where she is which is what will happen in a few days is scary to me. None of you really know me, or are my friends, or are my mother. She told me in the hosptial that I had a lot to do with her having a stroke, that I caused her blood pressure to rise. That was a terrible thing to say.

And to reply to the person who said that it doesn't help to ask to call, my aunt did call, and my mother called her back the next day and said something to the effect that she can't talk about me, that it makes her upset. This is all from my brother the attorney general. There are only a few days left. I won't know where she is and I will be very sad. My brother the attorney general is going to have a sheriff come and evict me. There is only 3 days notice on that. I checked. All they have to do is affix a sign to the front door. They put everything in the apartment in storage. They don't say how you get anything back. It just says they put it in storage.

I don't even know what that meant that she can't talk about me that it makes her upset.

The program she was in was called reserve. It was for seniors who wanted to work a few hours a week. She got free tickets to the zoo so we went. I was much heavier. I've lost a few pounds too over the last 3 months I think.

Why is she so angry? Why did she say I have nothing to say to you? This is like a nightmare. He is telling her what to do. Not to answer the phone, not to talk to me. That's all he talks about, the order of protection which doesn't say a thing about my having to stay away. I was living with her! I didn't think they would get back to me, the relatives i left messages with.

Everyone has been trying to be helpful but now it is ending. This guy in the building, the doorman, how could he do that.

How many hours have I spent writing these posts?

Scott, you have our prayers and our hopes that all will be well and you will find comfort and peace whatever the outcomes of everything. You are trying to do what you think is best, I know - and you have good memories to cherish as well. Take care of yourself and don't be ashamed of having mental illness, just take care of it as well as you can with all the good help you can find, and realize that the things you almost can't help doing may scare others sometimes...try to forgive them for not understanding or not being able to do the things you wish they would do to try and ease your distress. This is a hard time for everyone in the family, that's for sure.

I went back to living with my mother. She is not scared of me. There are no things that I almost can't help doing, whatever that means. I want to see my mother. I keep repeating that over and over again. that is the title of this thread. Everyone is focusing on other things I have said. I asked the doctor why she wanted to prescribe medicine for me. She said it was because of my history. What about right now? Have a been doing anything at all? What did I do? Ask my mother to stay up a little bit and talk to me a little bit? That's all I remember, I don't remember anything else. We had been going to parks, gardens, libraries, shopping, doctors appointments.

I am not just thinking about memories, my mother picked up the phone yesterday and she is alive and well, and speaking very well. My brother infuriates me. Doesn't even talk to me, is condescending. I really don't want to talk about things in the past, only right now. That is my concern.

I keep rereading that post about things that I almost can't help doing. Which are what? I have no idea about what that is a reference to. And there is something about family written. My mother is my only family. I don't even know my brother's address.

All he keeps talking about is the order of protection. It was changed so I could live with my mom. If I am allowed to live with her then I can certainly see her, or speak with her, can't I? This is a crazy situation. I could play the message she recorded the day she came home from one night in the hospital. Come pick me up, everything is ok, I can go home. It's so sad, she had to go back that very night and what her condition is now. So very sad. Hi Scott, this is your mom. How did we get from that to I have nothing to say to you? I know what her condition is, and I am so unhappy about that you would not believe.

There is a website for a non profit called the Stroke Help Association. And there is a page on it with a survivor's story very simolar my mother's. She uses the term handicapped. Left side paralysis like my mom's. Only she was 37 when she had the stroke. No movement in her left hand or arm.

Also there is nothing to forgive anyone for. What else can I do? What else can I try? Call this one, call that one.

Yes I was in the hospital, but no one ever explained to me anything. I really don't want to discuss that. I just mentioned that. My brother is estranging me from my mother. Does that make any sense? I don't care what he thinks. And no one is helping me to stop it. All he does is patronize me. Why can't I see her? Because she doesn't want to see you. Why not? I don't know.

I tried to tell him tonight that I am allowed to see her, and he hung up the phone. that is all he does is threaten to call the police on me. How many times has he threatened to do that? I am not going into that housing situation with people who are in a day program.

I should stop posting; I have been having trouble sleeping. I should have just gone to sleep at 630 and not tried calling my mother so late. I would not have been so upset by my brother answering.

It's not that I only have good memories, but I am very very sad by what has happened and that I can't even see my mother. Just sad. Not seeing her or talking to her makes it very hard.

My brother wouldn't even tell me what the legal papers were he passed out when we were in the hospital. I was upset, I had not slept, I don't know what I was thinking when I said something about selling the apartment and my getting money. I thought it was a will. I don't remember, but I know what a power of attorney is. and a healthcare proxy.

I don't care what he thinks. He doesn't talk to me anyway. All he said was I'm putting you out.

So hard to sleep. My only escape, I try to go back and just lie there for hours. Send email to the samaritans. 12 hours to respond. They are very nice, but it's not the same as talking with a live person. I don't know, sometimes I feel it isn't so great.

Well I called the manager and he can't use me today either. I also looked at a message someone posted to another person about this thread. They had googled my brother's name and found out that he was also a therapist at Bellevue before he became a teacher and a lawyer, which is true. The person also wrote that I don't seem to listen to anyone. So many people commented, and I was just so upset about not seeing my mother I didn't always read their comments so closely.

I get so depressed here in this apartment. Knowing that my mother is paralyzed. And wheelchair bound. And won't see me and I may never see her or speak to her again.

I like communicating with the posters here, though; it is my only communication with the human race. I have no friends, and now no family. In a few days my mother will leave the hospital and my brother will be putting her somewhere or she will live with him for a while, I don't know which.

I really appreciate any communication at all. did anyone look at that page with the message from the stroke survivor? It's very sad, and that is exactly what I think has happened with my mother. only she is 78 not in her forties like the lady who wrote what is on that page.

I really like talking to people here. I am so sad, no one to talk to. Anything from anyone will be welcome.

No nothing will be put in storage. It's not my apartment so everthing belongs to my mother. They will just come and evict.

Scott, sad to say, but this being alone from your mother sounds like it is your new reality at 48. Where will you go from there? I think you mentioned in one of your posts that there is some mental health housing available. There are a lot of posts here and I did gather that you have a mental illness, but must have missed what mental illness that you have and what meds are you taking now. I did notice in one post that your dad took you to a psychiatrist once and his comment was that he had doted on you too much and you shared that you had never had to work much to get things in life for your dad had paid your rent, your bills, your tuition, and your legal fees. I don't know when that ended and you went to live with your mother, but it does sound from one of your posts that at one point she was working. All that is in the Well, all of that is past now and it sounds like the final chapter is about to close, so get to work finding somewhere to live as well as find a job and work hard at it so that you can provide for yourself and improve yourself.

All that was a long, long time ago. Thank you for your reply. Yes my mother worked for many years. It all seems so long ago now. As far as this being a new reality, I can't understand why she won't talk to me, at least we could have communication. I just can't take being alone from her. We were very close. Very very close. I think the conflict of going against my brother is what upsets her. A big part of what upsets her.

I wish I was working today. Very sunny out now. We had a bunch of really cold days. I talked to my aunt just now. She is 82, and can't always remember things from previous conversations, I suppose. I think it is definite that my mother will be leaving Trump Pavilion within 2 weeks, as all she has is medicare, I think, and they only cover 100 days of skilled care. I think she still has to wear diapers, and I don't know if having the brace will help her in not having to use them.

I am not taking any medication, but I have prozac and risperdone. I might take the prozac but I am not so happy with taking the antipsychotic. I went to live with my mother 17 years ago.

I am just so unhappy with not talking with my mother, I know I keep repeating, but I can't stop missing her and wanting to see her again.

It is just so hard finding work with my work history. I don't know what to put down in an application. I could show someone here my resume; it just doesn't make any sense.

I keep reading the last post, yes, my father paid for a lot more, and gave me money. I should have picked something to major in in college other than political science. I should have done something else.

I just can't believe this is happening. I know I keep repeating that too. How can my mother never want to see me again? How can my brother do what he is doing? I am not sure but I think he is the cause of her not wanting to see me. It just upsets me so much. Too much.

Scott, I don't know the answers to those questions. Even if you had those answers, it does not change the need for you to find a place to live soon. Yes, your work history may make finding work hard, but it is not impossible and you are a college graduate and evidently you did work and live somewhere before you moved in with your mother 17 years ago when you were 31.

I wish you would at least take your prozac. I can understand not wanting to resperdone. My wife was on that at one time. She didn't like it either. I took seroquel once and then was taken off of that and was put on abilify. I did not like either of those drugs. Right now I'm on wellbutrin and lamictal plus a few other things that are not mental health related.

Scott, how are you doing today?

I hope you meant it when you said that you like hearing back from people on this forum; that you weren't just being polite. I think all we can do is keep sending you messages without expecting them to get you very far; but if you find even that a comfort that's a good thing - better than nothing, anyway :)

The trouble is, even a forum like this one, which everyone who uses it finds (I think it's true to say) really helpful, still isn't the same as real life company. You're not used to being on your own, and it must feel terribly alien to you.

I haven't forgotten what you said about the mental health housing, and not liking the idea, but that was before you went to see it. At least it's got people in it. You still haven't told us any more about your interview the other day. What impression did you get? Do you agree that it might be helpful to you to spend more time with other people?

My mother is going to leave the rehab very soon and my brother is going to take her to a place near where he lives in Putnam County NY. This is what I heard from the doorman in my mother's building. This is all I am thinking about right now. She won't even talk to me for a minute.

If she went in the rehab a week after being in the acute hosptial and if medicare only pays for 100 days, or 3 months, then she will have to be discharged in the first week of january. And then I will never speak to her again. I am sure of it. How can my brother do this. why is he doing this. the guy downstairs is the only one who says that according to her I am responsible for her stroke. He has said this several times. I don't know what to make of what he says.

Yes I do like posting here and getting back responses. You can see me posting first thing in the morning, and when I used to come home from work at night. I would always see my mother, and talk to her. How she can not see me for 3 months while she is in the place she is in and then when my brother moves her to whereever he will, I will never see her. What is he going to do, let me see her once a year? I lived with her for 17 years. Her body is affected by the stroke but she can still speak, she can still understand things. I really don't think that anything else has been affected. She can't move her arm or hand, and her leg has very limited movement.

I don't know, she just sounded like that a little bit. Maybe I am responsible. I pushed her to do too many things. Pulled her along behind me. Walked too fast. She had to rest. She went shopping by herself on the bus a day before. I think she will be moved; the social worker tells me to call my brother. I haven't talked to him in a month, more. Don't know about what I said; the social worker said they can only release her if she has a safe place to go. She cannot take care of herself. It's just so sad. The last time we came in the back way, I never walked with her up the stairs, I always walked ahead of her, I am sorry now that I did that, it took her the longest time to get up the stairs. She was so tired, so very tired.

I think I did, I think I did. I was nervous all the time. Now she will never speak to me again. Somebody please talk to me. Now I understand. Didn't anyone see my earlier post I put in about the friend I have?

I had him go to the hospital and she became hysterical.

She goes to church in the hospital. I don't think she ever went in her life. She's half jewish. I wrote in a letter I never sent that I wish I believed in God.

It was a very severe stroke. no one here has any similar family or friends who have had something similar to what my mother had? at 78? I don't even know how she's doing. The social worker doesn't tell much, just that she's improving. My brother said a month ago that she has not gotten better.

I spent all my time with my mother. All of it. I don't know, I didn't push her to go up to Kohl's on the bus with the little shopping cart and buy a toaster. The box is still right by my feet. She wanted to throw away the old one for so long, i wouldn't let her throw anything away. I think I am compulsive, I have gotten this way. She must have just taken it out of the box. And she was in the kitchen when she fell. I should have gone and gotten the toaster for her. Too much clutter in here. You can't even move. So hot with the heat on and the windows closed.

Scott, I want you to Google Goodtemps. It's a division of Goodwill and the employ people who've had trouble getting jones in the past. They will help you with your resume.

Scott, I'm very sorry about your mom bad the stroke. It DOES sound as if you weren't realizing recently (before the stroke) that she might have been having some physical problems. Was your mom seeing her doctor regularly? She was in the hospital the day before the stroke, yes? It seems to me like the folks with the medical training, not you, bear the burden of missing the signs, not you.
Is your brother thinking about a malpractice suit?

Scott, you are going through enough anguish over not seeing or talking to your mom. Please don't start holding yourself responsible for her stroke. It was not your fault. Blaming yourself for her stroke will only eat up more of your energy that you need for the present and the future.

My mother had a stroke which she did recover the ability to walk with a walker, but fell and broke her hip while in assisted living. From there she went to a nursing home for rehab, but did not make any progress with PT and thus never walked again. She said she was not a safe discharge to be sent back home. I am sorry that it is not safe to release her back to her apartment.

I've been think about a list of things that I wanted to share with you.


1. You are a very intelligent man with a college education.

2. You have several good memories of your mom and I believe you mentioned that you have a photo of your mother from a long time ago.

3. However, emotionally, you sound like a young child going through their first feelings of separation anxiety from their mom.

4. Your mom is 78 and has suddenly been taken out of your life via a stroke.

5. At some point you were going to have to face life without mom, but it appears to be taking place sooner rather than later.

6. Serenity, is found in accepting the things you cannot change, and finding the courage to change the things you can change.

7. Right now, you cannot change anything about your mom and the future is uncertain. You've been wearing yourself out trying to change this.

8. You can find the courage to change were you live; how you take your meds; possibly even where you work and maybe even find a fine woman near your age who reminds you of your mom.

Yes, she had what they call a transient ischemic attack or prestroke. She started to exhibit stroke like symptoms, like slurred speech and maybe facial paralysis but then they got better themselves. Or at least that was what they suspected. I don't remember, my brother took the discharge papers.

I've gone to goodtemps before. I even registered with them and identified myself as having a hearing problem, as if that would help me have a better chance. They have never called me. I've been to their office a couple of times.

I called my brother and left a message. Telling him I want to find out how mom is doing. He won't get back to me. That's just the way it is.

Thank you for replying. Yes, she was very tired all of the time. She had gone to physical therapy at a place a few blocks from here for neck pain a few times. I used to go with her, I don't know why, I didn't want to sit home alone. Now I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.

I don't know if he will sue the hosptial, I never thought of that. They kept her over night inthe stroke unit. And set up outpatient appointments for mri or cat scan or whatever it is that they originally wanted to do when she was in the er. They wanted to keep her for 3 days while they did the tests and released her after only a night. I don't remember exactly.

Her physical therapist referred to me as her bodyguard. where's your bodyguard. She had a small co pay so she was waiting to set up other appointments.

All this is in the past. She looked so cute pulling up those rubber bands in the therapy area. All in the past. She was heavy, but I don't think she weighed that much. Always saying how tired she was. That I think I remember. Now it doesn't matter.

Scott, talk to your caseworker about securing employment. Talk to your social worker about going back to see the psychiatrist who manages your medications. Don't start or stop any of the meds you have without consulting an MD. Do you have a regular doctor?

I don't really like going to that clinic there. I shouldn't have dragged my mother all over the place with me. It was too much and she had a stroke. I told the lady at the clinic that I don't really like the risperdone antipsychotic.

I don't know how much they can really help me there. I really don't know. I am working, if only they hadn't cut down the schedule. Maybe it will go back. I am really scared; when I saw that new schedule I panicked. I didn't think that was going to happen.

Scott just imagine this for a moment. An ambulance pulls up in front of your building. The EMTs lift out a wheelchair with your mother sitting in it. They wheel her into your building. if you have an elevator the door man will bring her up to your floor and ring your door bell. If there is no elevator he will call you and tell you Mom is home. Now what are you going to do. Can you carry her up the stairs to your floor? If the doorman brings her up you open the door and fall to your knees to hug her you are so pleased to see her. What a wonderful surprise.
Now she is home all you wishes have come true.
There she sits your good old Mom with the brace on her leg and one arm hanging useless at her side. she tells you she has not had supper What are you going to do about that. now she can't eat regular food because there is a risk of choking. Do you know what to do if that happens. You run to the store and get some soup and deli meat and her favorite soda so pleased to be able to do something singing in your heart "Mom's home that's all that matters everything will be alright now". After she has eaten she is tired and wants to go to bed. you will have to undress her and put on her nightgown. not too bad you have seen her naked before. But when her clothes are off you see the diaper and she tells you she is wet and dirty. Could you deal with that several times a day? you wheel her to the bathroom but you have no idea how to get her out of the wheelchair onto the toilet and it smells as though it is too late anyway. Gosh she is heavy now she can't help herself much but you are pretty strong man so you heave her to her feet and she hangs onto the sink with her good hand while you clean her genital area. Not a pleasant job and embarassing for both of you. now she is cold and has nothing on and you don't have any clean diapers to put on. What to do now? you think fast, she is getting annoyed she is so tired. "Put a toel under me and go to the store she says,and don't take all night" not the way mom used to talk to you

can't write more it keeps getting erased but you get the idea. how would you cope if Mom did come home. I hope you have read about some of the challenges other caregivers have been going through and give all this some deep thought. There is no way you could do this so be thankfull you have a brother who has taken charge and will keep Mom safe. Now get yourself straightened out and sometime in the future mom may be ready to talk to you again when she gets stronger and the hurt of whatever happened that night fades from her memory.

My mother is 78, she's isolated herself in here apartment and she's not bathed in a long time. I live 4 hours away and my brother is doing all of her shopping and is the only contact to the outside world. She refuses to go to the doctor, she has infections on her legs. She won't even answer her phone now, It's been a month since I've talked to her. I've tried and so has my little brother to get her to move in with one of us. She needs help and I don't know who to call or what to do. She needs to be with people. How do I make her consider a home? Back to the non bathing, she hasn't even cleaned up herself at all, including combing her own hair. She is in a living h*ll and I know it. What's my options?

Gary L.

Gary, I think that either you or your brother need to call adult protective services or the department of aging and report her situation to them so that they can intervene in her behalf. How long has she been living like this? Even if you or your brother were her durable and medical POA, I don't think that alone would give you enough leverage to make her move into a home. Therefore, if you communicate to the folks that neither your nor your brother are in a position to take care of her 24/7, then she could become a ward of the state and she would be placed in a home.

The last post should have gone to a new topic. I don't want it to get buried, but don't know how to answer it. The one before it was directed at me,however. I don't know how to answer that one either. No one has talked about her coming back here. If she did, or wherever it is she will go after the rehab center, I am not sure if she will need professional care. The social worker I spoke with today said she can't take care of herself, and that I should call my brother to get information, so I did. He will probably not return my call. I don't know how I don't know my mother's needs because I haven't seen her in so long. My aunt doesn't know either. I thought she told me my mom would be moving in 2 weeks, but she said she wasn't sure when I called before. She was busy and didn't want me calling. I don't really know if anything has improved with my mother's leg or arm, and at one point I think my brother said there was very little improvement.

I have been reading some things here; I don't even remember why I originally posted here. It seems so long ago, right before thanksgiving. Also I think caring for a stroke survivor like my mother is very different from someone who isn't one. How does she sleep? If she can't turn on her left side. I don't know too much because it was so long ago that I had to leave the hospital.

She is still not well, my aunt said, and has trouble using the telephone and talking. If someone saw her they would understand. My aunt though can't tell me why she doesn't want to talk to me. She asks if we had a fight or something. She is 82 and has a pacemaker so you really can't ask too much of her either. She doesn't want to be bothered, but other than her and my cousin, who does not talk to me much either, there is no one to call.

Scott, some of what you say doesn't ring true.

You pre-suppose many things. I, for one, know nothing about Medicare or Medicaid...yet you assume we all do. Hopefully, some do, but at least I do not.

You said you had mental issues, plus you are currently unemployed. Maybe, it's just more than she can handle right now? Remember - it's NOT all about you.

In any case, it is out of your control. Perhaps write a letter and cc all involved, including yourself? She may love you dearly but perhaps you are more than she can handle right now with her own health failing.

You said your father paid your bills. Is he gone now? If so, maybe she doesn't want to facilitate that behavior again. Is all you want is money? Some of your posts kind of seem like that is the reason. You're coherent enough to keep posting on here in complete sentences. Perhaps become a stock broker? (smile)

It's not that her health is failing it's that she had a svere stroke. I don't know how she feels about me anymore. I thought some people might have been familiar with severe strokes here. I think there aren't as many now from what I've read. No I am not interested in money. My father is long long gone. He died 12 years ago and left me a large inheritance, I didn't work for a long time and just went and spent it. It was over 70000 dollars. I could have bought this apartment from my mother. Then I wouldn't have to leave. The maintenance is very low, only 500 dollars.

We are so far from it being considered that I would take care of my mom even if I could. Notwithstanding the fact that she doesn't want to see me and hasn't had contact with me, other than just picking up the phone and answering and saying hello for a second, for 3 months.

I like posting here, and going to work. I come home and check to see if there are any responses and there usually are. It is early now and I am going; I am only on for 2 days a week now, maybe that will change, I don't know.

Yes I thought some people might be familiar with Medicare and nursing homes. I still think my mother will be discharged in a couple of weeks. I left a message with my brother and he didn't get back to me.

I was worried about what was going to happen with the apartment when my mother first went into the er; I didn't know what to do or think about what was going on. It was really bad at first. I'd better get going, and try to get to work early.

Scott if a severe stroke doesn't count as failing health, then what on earth does??!!

Any good quality medical information website can describe the consequences and effects of a major stroke - you don't need us for that. But what you will not see on any site, anywhere, is a suggestion that continuing to be your adult son's primary source of support is a good idea for any stroke victim. Your mother is no longer able to maintain anything like your previous relationship. It's a huge adjustment for both of you, and neither of you has any choice about it.

That doesn't change how she feels about you. You're her son, there's nothing different about that. But she can't cope with you. It's not her choice, she just can't.

I'm glad that you're getting off to work promptly - have a good day.