Some examples include 1.) furious when I went to my boyfriend's grandmother's on the spur of the moment on New Year's Eve, she was angry I did not invite her and dad to my place 2.) furious when I didn't run over to pick up a plastic watering can she bought me, this means (to her) I don't care about anything she does for me and just recently she called me after a fun evening. I had invited her and dad to join us for a friend's birthday at a local restaurant. At some point during the dinner I leaned slightly towards my friend to say we could continue the party at my place because my boyfriend had to work the next day, but to call me later in the week and would get together then. My mom called me when got home from what I thought was a fun evening to say I had totally offended her by "whispering" about future plans to my friend! Now she won't speak to me and I am sooo done with worrying about her calling me after a social situation to berate for being offensive, thoughtless etc. Please, any comments, suggestions etc. will help! I am at my wits end!
Set some boundaries and don't mix your social life with your parents. That should be YOURS not hers.
You might be able to keep the high moral ground without getting entangled in her games. "Oh, Mother, you know I love you. I will always love you and take care of you. You know I can't do every single thing you ask, but I still love you. I'll call again tomorrow. Goodbye now."
It's easier to be firm if you are also nice at the same time.
(She sounds like a royal pain! Good luck!!!!)
Learn to draw boundaries. Read: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life