She’s 94. Obsessive about the equipment. She reads the booklets several times a week (she’s used the equipment for years) and tells me I don’t know how it works when I try to help.
As a CPAP user myself, I know I get a much better quality of sleep when I use mine.
Are you arguing because she has forgotten how to use it properly? Or because she spends too much time focused on it? Or that she thinks you don't know how it works (and she is now not using it properly)?
If you are fighting to have her use it: stop doing that.
If you are fighting because she spends too much time on focused on it: practice redirecting her attention with something positive, another activity or thing. Also, is she stops obsessing on the cpap she may just start obsessing about something else.
Only you know/care if you know how to use it/run it/clean it. You won't be able to convince her otherwise, as she probably has some level of dementia.
Pick your battles wisely. When my 93-yr old Mom starts ranting about politics and negative things at our dinner table, my husband starts looking up funny YouTube or Tiktok videos to show her. Works every time. We just don't respond to her rantings.
Also, please watch some Tippa Snow Videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and teaches people the strategies to have more peaceful and productive interactions with their LOs who have dementia.
I worked at a sleep lab for years. Between half and 3/4 of people prescribed machines do not end up using them long term (or at all). It’s easily one of the biggest Medicare wastes of money. At 94 cpap is not a battle worth fighting.
Let it go and leave her alone. Sounds like there's dementia going on here meaning no matter WHAT you say or do, it wont matter bc once they get a thought stuck in their head, you can't chop it out of there with an axe.
You can't care more about her sleep apnea than she does. If she asks for your help outright, fine. O/w, live what's left of your life as you see fit mom. At 94, she's earned that right.
My husband is 75 and I stopped having him use his. Because of his swallowing issues, when he sneezes it seems like a waterfall (exaggerating). I finally decided that the risk of him getting pneumonia was not worth the stress I had trying to be sure it was as clean as possible every day. Fortunately his is mild or at least was but it was still a tough decision. So step back and look at the whole picture. If it is causing more stress for her and you as well to have her use it, it may be time to forgo using it. Stress by itself can have it own unhealthy side effects both for her and you. I try weigh the benefits vs risk the same as other medical decisions. Whatever you decide, let her providers know and they may very well agree with you which can help relieve any stress you feel if you stop. Our doctor supported my decision.
For me, whenever I have to make a decision with major risks, because of my Christian faith I try to remember Psalm 139... especially verse 16 where it says our days were numbered before we were even born. I still don't take my decisions lightly but it relieves some of the pressure trusting my husband will still get every day he was ordained. I decided to try to make each of his days comfortable for him by relieving stress when possible while hoping for another ten years. I am blessed that he is still functioning quite well but am aware that with his heart issues he may be gone before tomorrow.
Sleep apnea is one of the known contributors to dementia. There are very few known contributors. Look it up. This should answer anyone's questions about whether to "let it go" or encourage her to use the mask.
Look up CPAP recalls on the FDA website. Decide whether this is a fight worth having. I don't think it is. (Seeing my bil endure cancer surgery and chemo because of the breakdown of the filter of the CPAP he used has convinved me I'll never use one.)
Going forward, now that all manufacturers know that certain plastic breaks down. (Very unfortunate for the manufacturer who was caught off guard from their supplier or what plastic can change and break down) the machines are now safe.
There has been CPAP machine recalls in the last couple years. They were louder. Check to be sure her model isn't. Check that she's using distilled water. Truly, if this is her worst issue, you're both blessed.
I have done a sleep study. I did not need a CPAP. The study confirmed my suspicion and my treatment went a different direction. I had insomnia, which explained my symptoms, but breathing is the most common cause of sleep issues.
My mother stopped using hers at one point but after we tried a couple of different masks, etc…, she started using it again. A friend who has spent the night with her recently said that now, although she says she’s using it, she has checked in the middle of the night and my mother has taken it off.
Pretend to talk to the doctor on your phone. Tell mom you just talked to the doctor and that she needs to use it more often per doctors orders. Also, doctor says that this is how to make the machine work better for you because you are breathing in through the nose and not the mouth or whatever makes her believe you know what you are doing.
Are you arguing because she has forgotten how to use it properly? Or because she spends too much time focused on it? Or that she thinks you don't know how it works (and she is now not using it properly)?
If you are fighting to have her use it: stop doing that.
If you are fighting because she spends too much time on focused on it: practice redirecting her attention with something positive, another activity or thing. Also, is she stops obsessing on the cpap she may just start obsessing about something else.
Only you know/care if you know how to use it/run it/clean it. You won't be able to convince her otherwise, as she probably has some level of dementia.
Pick your battles wisely. When my 93-yr old Mom starts ranting about politics and negative things at our dinner table, my husband starts looking up funny YouTube or Tiktok videos to show her. Works every time. We just don't respond to her rantings.
Also, please watch some Tippa Snow Videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and teaches people the strategies to have more peaceful and productive interactions with their LOs who have dementia.
You can't care more about her sleep apnea than she does. If she asks for your help outright, fine. O/w, live what's left of your life as you see fit mom. At 94, she's earned that right.
For me, whenever I have to make a decision with major risks, because of my Christian faith I try to remember Psalm 139... especially verse 16 where it says our days were numbered before we were even born. I still don't take my decisions lightly but it relieves some of the pressure trusting my husband will still get every day he was ordained. I decided to try to make each of his days comfortable for him by relieving stress when possible while hoping for another ten years. I am blessed that he is still functioning quite well but am aware that with his heart issues he may be gone before tomorrow.
Check to be sure her model isn't. Check that she's using distilled water.
Truly, if this is her worst issue, you're both blessed.
She's 'used' one this way for 20 years, She's 92.
It's a battle nobody will fight with her.
(Yes, we are all fully aware that there are NO beneficial vapors involved--she's just crazy.)
BTW--I have never heard of a single person doing a sleep study where they DIDN'T 'need' a CPAP. Not a single one.
A friend who has spent the night with her recently said that now, although she says she’s using it, she has checked in the middle of the night and my mother has taken it off.
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