We are a month away from moving Mom to assisted living, just waiting for a room to open up. IL has been very nice about allowing her to stay the past two months when she clearly doesn't belong there. Today she grabbed the head housekeeper and accused the housekeepers of stealing three suits. Management called me all upset. We know no one stole anything from her - she has nothing worth stealing anyway. Mom has dementia and we had been able to keep her constant accusations of stealing under control- until now. Her dementia got worse a few weeks ago, she is confused and can't remember what has been said or done two minutes ago. Forget contacting the doctor - I'm switching doctors as soon as we move her - her current doctor has pretty much written her off and frankly doesn't care and knows there is little she can do to fix a 100 year old with Alzheimers. She'd just write a prescription which Mom can't take because she isn't responsible enough to take medicine on her own. My sister and I are not able to take her into our homes, so now what do we do if we can't get her under control? How do you convince someone with dementia to shut up or she will get kicked out?
Out of curiosity, why move her to AL rather than into a NH?
Does the new AL have sister facility that is a NH?
Do I get this right, the AL does not have a medical director? Ask how they approach emergencies, like if mom goes on a threatening stealing rant, what do they do? Like call 911 and she goes to the ER.? Or call you to take her? You need to know what to expect.
So the AL didn't do a site visit at moms current IL?
Or require mom go over for a visit or a "play date" for their own observation to see if they can provide the care she needs? Not to alarm you, but if neither was the case I'd be concerned that mom will move in and within short order you get a "30 day notice" that although they just love love love your mom they cannot meet the level of care she requires & she must move out within 30 days.This is a total panic situation which you want to avoid if you can. AL can totally do this as they do not have the federal compliance requirements to find safe & secure placement of a discharged resident as a NH would have to do.
If mom has been in her IL for a decade, they probably let a lot of her issues slide by as staff all know her; perhaps some even viewed her as family or as special, so her erratic behavior - that would have gotten another resident the boot- was overlooked. Perhaps they have a good realtionship with you as well. The new place won't be as flexible would be my bet.
Mom has dementia. You can't explain anything to her. "Yes mom, we reported it. It will be taken care of" is about all you can do. This is the natural progression of the disease; it's not your fault and it's not her fault!
I feel like cr __ right now. I tried to have a nice birthday visit with my mother. And what does she do? Brings up stealing again! So I sat down, starting our nicely to explain that I had received a complaint about her from management for making false accusations. She argued and argued, claiming stuff was gone, so I walked her around showing her it was all there (for about the 50th time) and she goes right back into the loop about employees being fired for stealing. I said, you don't know that for sure, someone said it but you have no proof and you have been talking about it for years. I felt like I was in an "who's on first" Abbott and Costello skit! I finally had to get really mad, really scold her and tell her she will be kicked out if she doesn't stop accusing people. What does she say "I hate it here" and then proceed to blame the facility for not liking her and now she's embarassed what they think of her. I reminded that my sister and I have told her 50 times in the past year that if she didn't stop making accusations she would get in trouble, and now she has. Then she claimed she didn't remember telling the head housekeeping person someone had stolen from her and she was mad because that person reported it. I asked her why she made the complaint if she didn't want it reported to someone. In other words, I was upset, she was upset, my stomach is sick. And tomorrow she might or might not even remember it. I really don't know what to do. Either she behaves, or they say come get her and we stick her in any nursing home that will take her. I am SO tired after 10 years of this! Don't mind me, I'm on a pity trip and if we had moved her two years ago when I had wanted to, this wouldn't be happening, or at least it would be happening in a facility that is equipped to handle it. I'm just praying we can get her medicated, move her and she will behave.
You do not want her wandering off. Good luck. Fortunately, my mother has adjusted well at the NH and is in good health for age 95.
Have you talked to the maids and explained her dementia and that she will be leaving as soon as a room opens up? While your mom's behavior is very common in dementia it may not be something these maids have experienced and some reassurance might help smooth things over and also be educational for them.
Hang in there! It is just one more month ...