My 83 yr old mother lives with us due to her dementia/alzheimers. She is very passive-agressive and has been all her life. Recently, she has been displaying somewhat violent, very agressive behavior when I suggest something or ask her a question. Is this normal for alzheimers/dementia and what should I do? How do I handle it in the right way and not take it personal?
Mom was a bit aggressive before the infection from her dementia as it progressed but it became way worse with a infection.
Definitely check for UTIs, but for my Mom that just causes delirium.
For my mom, I think the change in aggression was happening due to depression & anxiety. She wasn’t showing any other signs of drepression, but in speaking to her dr, we talked about how scary it must be for her. She was still just cognizant enough of everything to realize that she was truly ‘losing herself’ and the passive aggressiveness turned into more just aggressiveness. We started her on the lowest dose of an anti depressant and the whole world changed! She didn’t become a zombie or have any other negative side effects, so it was definitely the right drug for her. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find the right drug.
Her normal passive aggressiveness returned, but even that was to a much lesser extent. Overall, she was just more content.
Good luck. Every persons journey is different, and every day brings something new.
My mom had been given a seizure med that had a side effect of aggression, but no one looked at it, including myself until 3 months ago. It was absolutely amazing how her personality changed once she was off it. Now we've got her off the anti-psychiotics as well and she is able to walk and talk again.
Of course that isn't what happens to everyone but just a cautionary tale to check side effects.
Sadly, I don't know how to fix this since it isn't just dementia or sickly people. I combat it with my aging DH (96-1/2) by slowly repeating information he can't remember. I can't even count the number of times I have "reminded" him that I am his wife of 33 years and we have lived in this house for 30 years. When I tell him we own the house, he thinks I went out 'yesterday' and bought it. Sometimes he thinks he bought it yesterday. The rest of the time he has no idea where we are and wants to go home.
Sometimes the frustration causes him to get 'testy' with me but thankfully I can usually calm him down. Sometimes I am the one to get 'testy' but he no longer remembers how to calm me down. I take it ONE day at a time.
P.S. No, he has no UTI - but I have put him on Iodoral (Iodine) and it has helped with his cognition. I also have him on Ashwagahnda which is supposed to help brain function and help him to get a better night's sleep.
That was a very helpful answer.
The entire dementia disease is so puzzling. People with dementia have brain damage. The diagnosis means they have impaired judgement. It also means judgement and behavior can change with the day, circumstance, other illnesses, situations, and who they are talking to. Also, as the prior person answered, how that person is approached and the way they are talked to can change behavior sometimes.
I am a Speech Language Pathologist that worked in nursing homes hospitals and clinics for 30 years.
Validation therapy, memory books, distraction,being relaxed and never argue are the things I used in my practice, in training staff and families can all help in different stages of the progression.
Just to add, I am going through this with my 90 year old father who has been deemed incompetent. My 6 siblings are finding it difficult to do anyof the strategies that I taught other families and staff. I am their sister and they don’t think of me as a professional. Bless all of us for trying as it is impossible not to get emotional in interactions with your parent. They are no longer the adult they used to be.
Have her tested for a UTI and go from there. If it’s not a UTI, you may need to speak with her doctor about the possibility of Memory Care placement for her. If her disease has progressed to the point of her becoming violent, you need to protect her and yourself.