She doesn't respond to my Hello's or Goodbye's. When I talk she ignores me and/or when I mention details about moms meds or doctor appts she continues to text on phone while im talking to her. Instead of asking her to put it down I just say I'll wait till your done. My mother says she likes her and I desperatly need the help but I dont feel comfortable being in my home when she is here! I found out yesterday my mom didn't take her meds..I asked the Caregiver why she didn't tell me and she said she documented it in the agency notes. Which is good but I need to be updated as her primary caregiver. Just wondering if someone else has had this problem. Where the Caregiver is friendly with the client but not the family? And how did you deal with it? Thanks!
Also I'm hardly here..so I don't lord over her or text/call. Or leave notes..None of that behaviour that would make her resent me. I'm just friendly and caring.
I'm sorry, I cackled with laughter when I first read your post. "What we call progress is merely the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance" - I think it was Walt Whitman who said that. In your case, you've exchanged one serious problem (vanishing caregivers, not seen for dust) for another serious problem (a stayer, but not one anyone would especially want in her home).
Talk to the agency. Start by saying you are impressed at how well this lady has developed a working relationship with a challenging client, and you are keen to support her.
Then ask if they have heard from other families that she is rather withdrawn, socially: it may be that she's incredibly good at her job *because* she likes the clients but doesn't get on well with people generally - a bit like animal lovers who can't stand humans. That's okay, you can work round it.
Finally, the communication issue - you need to be copied in to the agency notes, they should be able to do that very easily; and in the home use a journal for any information you need the caregiver to know.
I sympathise with how perplexing it is when you are a normally friendly, caring person and you get this kind of response. Impossible not to wonder what you're doing wrong! What did I say?! Am I invisible?! But - maybe she's just jolly rude, or lacks the necessary brain wiring, who knows. I've met a clinical psychologist or two who's been like this, and the occasional nurse, and many a doctors' receptionist of course...
Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's her and not you. Is it possible that your mother considers this the caregiver's most attractive quality?
There were 2 caregivers that were regularly scheduled that Dad had for over a year. Dad enjoyed their company. Both had different ways of caregiving. One would always give me a hug, best hugs ever, and would chat with me about Dad. The other was a bit stand-offish but she and Dad got along great, and that was very important to me. Otherwise Dad would tell me if so & so wasn't a good match.
I learned to just stand back and let the caregivers do their job, since this was my first rodeo, I had a lot to learn. My case was different as Dad was under his own roof, and I was under mine. I would pop in once in awhile just to introduce myself and chat briefly with Dad. I didn't want to interrupt the routine.
She didn't tell me this. I am concerned that my mom is forgetting to tell me things that might be concerning. I did call the agency and they said they would have the caregiver text me an update at end of shift. I do like the suggestion of filling out a daily record with notes. Thank You.
Unless there a CNA they tell me there not allowed to give medication how old is your mom?
My experience is it won’t get better.
I know it’s hard to do when your mom likes her but the arrangement has to work for all three of you.