Mom has dementia and has to have infusions. She has KF and refuses treatment so the doc said she should have hospice. Should I force her to go?

Once on hospice doesn’t mean always on hospice. She can withdraw or be dropped from the program. My mother was in and off hospice for 2.5 years. I don’t know how likely that is in your mom’s case, but you could discuss it so that she’d feel that she has an out, even though probably an unrealistic one. It might make her feel better.

sometimes a person can live for several months with kidney failure without dialysis, although renal specialist MDs want them to go right onto dialysis as that will preserve any remaining kidney function. One way that people pass is that their kidneys gradually shut down and they lose consciousness. Hospice is good for patients in this situation - she clearly qualifies and can have as many quality days as possible without going to hospital or dialysis center. As she declines, hospice helps support all of you. I'd encourage you to reach out to non profit or not for profit hospices in your area and ask for information. Beware of anyone who wants to rush out and enroll her right away. Those are the 'profit making' hospice franchises. Not in it for the caring.

If Mom has Kidney Failure (assuming that is what KF stands for)and she stops her dialysis she will die. Thats why the doctor recommends Hospice. Can she understand that? I lost two friends to kidney failure. One chose to stop his dialysis, the other was on Peritoneal dialysis which is a last ditch effort when regular dialysis does not work. They were both gone in 2 weeks. The toxins get into their blood stream and they become septic.

You have a big decision here. If Mom choses to go off, she will pass. So better she has Hospice who will keep her comfortable. This means no more hospitalizations.

What will 'happen' is that mom will continue to need hospitalization, and like you said, you'll need to keep dragging her back & forth to the ER. I'd tell her she needs hospice on board if she refuses treatment at this juncture, b/c they can offer her comfort care that is the alternative to running back & forth to the hospital. With dementia at play, she's not capable of making rational decisions, so this is where you as her POA (providing you DO hold POA for her) come in to make decisions for her. Because going back & forth to the hospital causes nothing but agony for BOTH of you, imo, after caring for my aged mother for 10+ years and dealing with LOTS of ER visits myself. I can tell you honestly that when hospice came on board, I heaved a huge sigh of relief that going to the
ER would finally stop happening.

I hope you can get thru to mom that hospice is the way to go now. Best of luck to you.

It's definitely not fair to you! And I feel like it's not really fair to the hospital staff or the other patients there to keep bringing someone into the ER and taking up a bed, when she really should be in another type of facility. Maybe next time you go to the hospital, the doctor there can talk to her about it and have her discharged to hospice? I don't know if/how that would work as far as the details, but if you called the hospice they could talk to you about it....

You already know that your moms dementia is terminal right? She will never get better and eventually it will kill her if something else doesn't first, so why keep forcing her to get infusions for her KF?
Instead it may just be better to honor her wishes and bring hospice on board, as they will try their best to keep her comfortable for whatever time she may have left. I mean why would you want her to continue to live the way she is, knowing that the outcome will be death either way?
That's not fair to her or to you. I'm sure if your mom was in her right mind she would just tell you that she's had a good life and now it's time for her to leave this world for the next.
Blessings to you and your mom.

It's definitely not fair to you! And I feel like it's not really fair to the hospital staff or the other patients there to keep bringing someone into the ER and taking up a bed, when she really should be in another type of facility. Maybe next time you go to the hospital, the doctor there can talk to her about it and have her discharged to hospice? I don't know if/how that would work as far as the details, but if you called the hospice they could talk to you about it....