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ReadyToGo, your Mom is still very young and from what you had written about her past it sounds like your Mom is just so use to having others wait on her... that's her personality, she's spoiled big time.

She leaves dirty dishes and wrappers all over the place because she knows you will clean up after her. Right? Let her learn to do things herself, eventually she will get up off the sofa while there is a commercial on for Dr. Phil, and put her laundry in the washer. Don't you do it, even if it means she doesn't have one clean article of clothing to wear. If she complains, give her a lesson on how to push the buttons on the washer.

Yes, she will moan and groan why she can't do this or that [my sig other is that way, his Mom spoiled him rotten] because your Mom knows you will do her chores. Let her bathroom become grungy, eventually she will find the cleaner [I stopped cleaning my sig other's bathroom years ago, every couple of months he will clean his bathroom], in the mean time I hide my eye passing by that room.

As for having dementia, it doesn't sound that way. She just wants to be waited on.
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It sounds like she's pretty much the same person she's always been. You probably aren't going to change her now. I imagine it's very difficult to care for someone when you feel they can do more. As our loved ones age, they become very much like children. Sounds like mom's fully in that court. You're doing angel's work. Sometimes, for a caregiver, knowing that just has to be enough.
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ReadytoGo, I am not a medical expert by any means, but your mom may be exhibiting signs of depression. From what I understand, it can manifest in many ways. Unfortunately, if she refuses to go to the doctor, there isn't a lot you can do at this point. Based on my experiences with dementia in the elderly, and the information you provided, I wouldn't think your mom is suffering from dementia. Perhaps there is another family member, close friend or spiritual advisor, that your mom would listen to. Sometimes the family member closet to the person, has the hardest time getting through to them. I hope this helps. Hang in there!
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