Mom is in a memory care unit currently and thankfully they have a window at the end of the hall so I can still visit her. Are my visits good?

My dementia diagnosed husband was in a SNF when the lockdown occurred. I had been going to see him several hours per day. He came home for a few days, then had to return to the hospital again, then back to a SNF. NO window visits because the windows were in gen group room. He had tested NEGATIVE for the virus but they put him on 14 day quarantine anyway. He came home after 10 days. He was very confused and upset when he arrived. He doesn’t talk much now and hasn’t used a phone in years. So there was no communication with him while he was there and he didn’t understand. I explained that I wasn’t allowed to see him because there was a bad bug going around and they had to limit who entered the facility.

i reminded him that I brought his clothes to him and returned with his wheelchair when it was time to come home. That seemed to make him feel better. It’s so difficult for those with dementia because they don’t remember what they are told for very long. I repeated it several times per day until he accepted that I still loved him and wanted to visit.

i say all this so you will understand that I believe all that could have been avoided had i been allowed to wave at him through the window.

Since then he’s had another stay in the hospital but did not return to SNF because of lockdown and YES those of you that suspected your loved one wasn’t getting the attention they deserved are most likely correct. We are now under hospice and I feel it is due to neglect.

Go see your loved ones if you can. Just my suggestion.

Do you feel better visiting her through the window? I would think she enjoys seeing your face. Unless they tell you to stop and you enjoy it, continue to follow your instincts.

Take care. Wishing the best for you and your mom.

I would love to have a window visit with my mom, HER FACILITY REFUSES to allow them. I Agree it probably because they don’t want families to see how much the residents are neglected. There is no other reason. They say it’s because of the governors order but our governor is. Allowing it. It breaks my heart that I can’t see my mom. I was her full time care giver (9+ hour a day) for more than a year and it’s been awful not being able to see her. They have offered zoom but mom doesn’t like to sit still and it confuses her!

That would depend on her actions after you leave, e.g. if she's crying and really upset, then you have your answer. You will, of course, obtain that info after you speak to the staff once you've left.

I have found that the visit to do lift my mom's spirits up. she is in late-stage Alzheimer's, I have to keep reiterating why I cannot come inside to see her ..

unfortunately my mom is on the third floor so it's hard for me to see her face. Is usually sitting in her wheelchair, I can see her when she waves to me, and I'm sure she finds it difficult to see me. but we are on the phone with each other at least I can tell her I love her and I look forward to seeing her and holding her hand again..

it is heart-wrenching..
I haven't seen or touched my mother since February 20th. I feel broken and I know what my future holds ..
my mom is currently being tested a second time for COVID19.. its beyond any emotion I have ever experienced..
Being 55 years old, I thought I'd experience everything emotionally..

I haven't done a window visit yet both because Mom's facility is concerned it will upset other residents and because I think I might start crying. But, I'm going to put on my big girl panties and will set something up for Mother's Day. I plan on asking the staff ahead of time if they can bring her to a common area with a big window so it's not her (and her roommate's) bedroom window. Staff have already said they could do that if we set a time. Otherwise, we've been fortunate to have many video chats and are able to get lots of the family on at the same time. I see that Concerned7 mentioned that it could be confusing as it looks like we are all in the same room and I have noticed Mom saying things like that as well. But she still loves seeing us all and getting her virtual hugs. If she handles the first window visit OK, I will set more of them up later.

My Dad loved visiting at window, until Legendseniorliving banned visits at window. Local staff threatened to arrest me. I think they were afraid I could see they were neglecting their care duties. I never confronted them.

I set up Skype, it’s a bit confusing for him, he thinks my sister is visiting me, but she’s in another state also Skyping with us.

I wish I could go back to the window, my Dad is old school and doesn’t understand the Skype technology.

My mom really enjoys my phone calls through the window visits. She jokes and laughs and yes, is confused about why I'm at the window instead of inside, but she accepts it. As others have said, just watch closely to make sure she is happy to see you and not too confused about it. I worried at first that her sundowners would return and she would imagine people outside her windows at night from having seen me in the daytime there, but that didn't happen. I reassures me to be able to see she is well and happy.

I would determine that by how she acts when she sees you and what the staff sees in her after you leave. Then do what you have to do. It is so sad

I have been utilizing FaceTime with my mom, using the iPhone of the Activities director. Mom doesn’t say much, but I tell her some things I’ve been doing and ask a few questions. I believe she is in awe of the technology of seeing me on a screen. I keep it short, less than 5 minutes. The director tells me that after we hang up, she says “that was great”! 😀I’ve done the visiting at the window on Easter. I think it was more of an inconvenience for the staff and mom didn’t have her hearing aid in.

The staff may be able to help answer this for you. They could tell you how she is after you leave. I am in close phone contact with the staff at mom’s facility and they are great. When I call I always ask first if they have time to let me know how she is doing or if I should call another time. Wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Does h know and recognize you through the window? Does it seem to confuse her that you are outside the win seems It seems better to keep visiting than to suddenly stop. A visit lets you see how she is doing and encourages her response. Is there some reason you would not go?

It is better to visit than to just stop visiting. She can see her loved ones. What she would think if you just stopped, nobody truly knows. How would you feel if you just stopped?

This is such a hard time for all of us, isn’t it? We all are trying to find ways to connect.

Is she in a private room? I would think that if she is in a private room it would be ok, as long as she feels happy to see you.

If she is in a shared room, it could be disruptive to her roommate. Think about how the roommate must feel since she cannot see her family, it could make the roommate feel sad and feel like it is unfair, or that her family doesn’t care about her.

I know some of the NH’s are not allowing it because it is very disruptive when passing other windows to get to their loved ones it is freaking out other residents.

Get a white board and eraser. My mom rarely talks anymore. If I use a whiteboard I get responses. I thought she was not comprehending until I started using it. If I write “Ken Love You”. When my dad comes down and greets her she will respond “Ken I Love You”. I have found I can ask questions now are you comfortable and have choices on the board Yes, No, not sure. Once in a blue moon she says not sure. It has opened up a new world for us. Maybe you could have two boards. One with a question the other with answers. Point at answers and see if she reacts.

Can she hear you, as well? Is she able to respond?

I suppose at least it's nice for you that you can set eyes on her and see that she's sitting up and taking notice, at least. Just try to assess whether it's really doing your mother good by watching how she responds, and don't feel guilty about giving the visits up if you conclude it really isn't.

Does it help you? You get to see her and know she is OK. Confusing for her, probably, but if she suffers from Dementia everything is confusing. Like said, just keep it short.

That really depends on you and your mom. YOU need to keep your visits brief and time them so you are not disrupting her normal routines and those of the staff - I've been told of one family that spends literally hours singing, dancing and pantomiming messages to a loved one and while that may make them feel connected it is causing chaos.