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My mother has always been bad with money. Her and my Dad lived apart for over 40 years, but when he got sick, she took him in and took his money. My Dad has since passed and she retired. Her memory is getting sketchy and she's spending massive amounts of money on lotto. She now expects her children to supplement her spending if she runs out of money. She has not admitted to playing lotto. Claims she loses her money. Within a week she took out over $500 but didn't have $10 to purchase cat food. Her fridge is always empty. When questioned, she deflects the question by asking, why are you looking at my bank account. When I tell her to be mindful of what she spends her money on, she gets defensive. When her bank balance gets very low, she goes to the bank asking where her money went. She has accused me in the past of "stealing" her money. When I remind her that I supplement her social security so she has extra spending money, she tells me she'll pay me back (which of course she doesn't because she has no money). I do have an appointment with an Elder Care Lawyer. I made arrangements to have her social security deposited into an account she has no access to and will transfer spending money into her account. My question is, if I spoke with the store owner and requested that he doesn't take the $100 per day she is spending on lotto and he doesn't agree, is there something legally I can do to stop him from taking her money? My mother is 85 years old. Thank you.

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The only behavior you can control is yours.

Stop providing for her. Let natural consequences occur.
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I read your profile. So you're the oldest daughter and live closest to your mother. You state you take care of her. What else are you doing besides supplementing her money every month? You also state that you work full time. What's going to happen when she needs more help?

Are your siblings also supplementing her SS income, or is it just you?

Why are you enabling her?

(And I don't think it's any shop owner's responsibility to rein in your mother's spending.)
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I don't believe the store owner has any responsibility to stop your mother from spending money at his store, but you can ask I guess.
My main concern here is the fact that you're helping to supplement your mothers income with your own money. You do know that that's called enabling right?
I mean WTH are you thinking? If she spends all her money on the lotto and has no money left to buy food or pay her bills, well...that's on her not you.
I find it interesting that you feel the need to continue to bail her out. You do know that she'll never change as long as you continue to do that, at least I hope you do.
Let her suffer the consequences of her poor choices. It will only be then that things may turn around. But as long as you're there to pick up the pieces, things will never change.
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Debbio Apr 2023
Coming from the other side of this issue (as a 60 yr. old woman who is oftentimes financially irresponsible, I'm ashamed to share), this is tough but much appreciated feedback. Thank you.
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Your mom needs good testing by a neuro-psych and evaluation as to whether, given what she is currently doing, she is competent to handle her own money. I understand you have already made "arrangements " to block her access to her account and SS??? I cannot imagine how you did that, but that's neither here nor there.

Are you the POA? If not it may be too late for Mom to confer that upon you. You may require guardianship to manage mom's finances if she is judged incompetent. I will tell you that doing this for an uncooperative senior can be a nightmare; it's hard enough when dealing with an organized and willing senior.

I think that you are going to learn a lot with your elder law attorney and hope you will come back HERE and tell us just WHAT you did learn. It would be a huge service to others, because you are not alone in this. I wish you good luck. Either mom is incompetent and needs a financial guardian, or she is not and will lose all her money pretty quickly. Only the laws can help now for her protection. Or not. I am so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the best of luck.
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Debbio Apr 2023
Yes, PLEASE come back after your appointment and share anything you can.
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She has an addiction, the worst thing one can do is enable an addict. Stop supplementing her income, you are part of the problem, shift gears and become part of the solution.

Get it straightened out with attorney, establish boundaries and stick to them, no gambling money, if need be order food for her online, have it delivered.

Best of luck!
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BurntCaregiver Apr 2023
@MeDolly

At her age and she likely has dementia so she isn't going to get recovery from her gambling addiction.
She should be allowed a few lottery tickets a day and a POA has to be in charge of appropriating her funds.
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Please stop supplementing her income. She is wasting 700 a week on the lottery and you are giving her money. Absolutely ridiculous.

If you give her spending money from her own funds give her 5.00 a day to waste on the lottery. It's not up to you to buy her groceries etc when she is spending her money on crap.

And I am still sick of these selfish old people who do crap like this.
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dkiely33 Apr 2023
She's not a selfish person - she is in cognitive decline.

What is wrong
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Please do the lawyer as you said. This is the hardest thing to do but it works believe me. WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T THERE? STOP ENABLING HER.

Prayers
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You cannot stop a store owner from accepting money. It’s not on them to decide who is capable of correctly handling money and who is not. It’s clearly time that your mother is not safe handling money at all, even if that’s a bitter pill. Please don’t try to explain or argue with mom over this, she’s lost the ability to understand and reason. It may also be true that she’s not safe living on her own, or won’t be very soon, at least without lots of in home help. I’m glad you have an appointment with an elder care attorney to help guide you for the big changes ahead.
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Even if the store agrees to work with you, there are always other places that sell the lotto tickets or she may find someone hanging around to buy them for her... which opens her up for big time scamming. I agree with others, this is probably not the best way to handle this.
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Save the cat!!
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