Mom is 80, advanced dementia. Fell in August 2020, broke a hip, went to the nursing home for rehab, fell again there, broke a femur same side. More surgery and rehab. 56 yrs of marriage...Dad passed 2 yrs ago, left the farm to her, didn’t like modern day advice. 7 kids, my two brothers 53 & 54 yr old bachelors work the farm. My brothers were going broke paying the nursing home. Ineligible for any assistance. Agreed to move her two states away to live with my husband and I, we’re retired. Every day morning, noon , sundowners-afternoon and evening she gets weary and goes down the rabbit hole of being home sick. No matter the explanations of why she can no longer live on the farm with her boys...How do I get her passed the move and going forward? They call her nearly every day. She and dad were not social and she had no hobbies. Just old fashioned homemaker. Screaming, lonesome, boredom.. nothing helps not music, tv, old photos, talking...She’s a healthy 80, aside from dementia and the loss of her ability to walk. Since she can’t walk but is strong she becomes unsafe because she is always trying to get up. The other 4 siblings live in multiple states all across the country with jobs and kids. My husband is a saint but we are getting exhausted and it’s only been 2 months. Help..!
You've already received some great advice!
Yes, a Geriatrician would potentially be very helpful!!
When you have to take your LO with dementia out of their beloved home, it's like rearranging the furniture on a blind person!
It confuses and agitates them.
Praying that she eventually settles in!!
(((Hugs)))
Have all of you adjusted to the fact that messages no longer work in a brain deteriorating with dementia? “Explanations”, for any reason or about any situation, just don’t connect.
I am a tireless advocate for psychiatric assessment and appropriate application of medication. That no longer has to mean “drugging her unconscious” but rather allowing her to remain a little more even, calm, peaceful.
There are geriatric specialists in many fields, psychology, psychiatry, neurology, social work. If you decide to go that route, be sure you work with a specialist who can prescribe medications or who works with someone who does.
Who is the legal owner of the farm? If the property is in your mom’s name, it may be a good idea to get a legal opinion about how to manage her finances in order to provide at some point, for residential care. Unfortunately, you’re experiencing in your first two months what happens with increasing difficulty while you’re providing care. It NEVER gets easier.
Be good to yourselves. My husband is a saint too, but sainthood can be a burden in itself.
In the mean time, can you afford (obviously with her money) to hire someone to help during the evening meltdowns? I would encourage you to get some meds on board and someone to help during the most difficult times. This will give you the much needed break to get through this difficult time.
Great big warm hug! This is so difficult to deal with. Welcome to the forum!