My Mom is suddenly telling stories that she "thinks" are true but are not. Any advice?
She has always been a bit of a liar but this is different. It is as if she imagines a scenario and then it is a fact. She doesn't do this all of the time more often lately.
She has never believed my father had Parkinson's disease but just had a bad balance from all of the head injuries he has received over the years. He NEVER had a head injury in his life as far as I know. She thinks he got C-diff from a colonoscopy at the hospital. At first she "thought" that is where he got it now it is a fact. She is rewriting history. Dad died from ulcerative colitis and did not receive proper medical help due to her selfishness.
But now she is creating facts from her imagination. Is this the beginnings of dementia? It is not like her normal big windy BS. She seems to believe it and we are dumb a**es if we remember anything differently.
My mother lives in Alabama and I live in Florida. At the present she is almost 84 and lives alone. Her health has been very good considering her age and her cognitive abilities were fine as well. It is with her personality that there is a problem.
My brother lives 6 miles from my mother so he is the logical person to have her POAs and medical power of attorney. He is executor of the will as well. Here is where things get weird. Because she is very paranoid and narcissistic, she realized she could "use" my brother for her needs but exclude me from any knowledge of her personal business in order to keep a tighter hold and control over her financial information. So to accomplish this she has lied and created a scenario in which I am not trustworthy, a spendthrift who would "blow through" her money and many other negative comments to discredit my character. This could not be further from the truth. Both my brother and I are financially sound and always have been. She is angry because we educated our children and she thinks I resent that she did nothing for me or my brother. That is magical thinking on her part. It is her attitude and miserly ways that set my teeth on edge. Plus the lying.
I have set very strict boundaries with her, for example, limited phone calls, no visits, at least for the past three years. She talks about me if I visit and she talks about me if I don't. I can not win.
My entire family plus her sisters see all of her behaviors and acknowledge her strangeness. There are many stories which would take all day to tell but you get the idea. She is very difficult.
But now she is worse. The new stories are based in zero truth. I did call my brother and we had a nice conversation about her. Yes he sees it as well and has been noticing it for the past few months. He tells me she is slowing down. He also says the problem with her arm is something that needs addressing and he is going to force her to the doctor. We will see. She is the most obstinate individual you have ever seen.
All in all I think time is taking its toll and she is going down hill. She is a control freak and my brother has not been my ally in this scenario. He told me she is angry because I have not visited her in a few years however the last time I visited, she told me I stayed too long and come for just two or three days. She was horrible to me, snapping at me, didn't want me to drive her car, just awful. However she went shopping at the mall several times and got about happy as a lark without me ( but she wasn't able to attend my sister in laws mom's funeral, too old, too this, too that).
So I told my brother I was sorry she is getting less competent and more feeble but she still dislikes me and,believes all of her lies. So I keep my distance and he tries to make me feel guilty for doing so.
We will see what the future brings but I know it will not be easy or good with this woman and I will have to keep strong to endure it. Thanks for your comments.
Anyway, if you have responsibilities for Mom, I suggest that you notify your brother, without asking him to do anything about it. Just FYI facts. Mom has had a sore arm for 3 weeks. Mom is confused about the past. She has symptoms of neuropathy. Etc. Since your relationship with him is not the greatest this is just a CYA note, so he can't come roaring back and demand "Why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you DO something."
Good luck! This doesn't sound easy.
And to make things worse she will not see a doctor. She needs to visit a neurologist due to possible neuropathy and fibromyalgia. She has had a very sore arm for three weeks. She can't do her hair because of it but will not see a specialist.
Unfortunately my relationship is not good with her or my brother so I am reluctant to talk to him until she winds up getting lost or driving to Texas or something. But this is disturbing and a turn to something very different.
Jessiemae, it is really hard to know whether Uncle's hearing problems are causing some of these incidents, whether it is more of his life-long bs, whether he has a grudge against you, or he is looking for attention. You could try giving him more attention outside of the stories, and ignoring the stories. But I suspect something is happening in his brain that is causing this confusion. What is your relationship with him? Are you in a caregiving role? Can you suggest a medical appointment "for a general checkup"?