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Hi, new to this, my mom just turned 100 9/5 she is deaf has macular degeneration but still plays skippo every night and wins. She’s amazing, still lives in her home (she has caregivers). She just started getting confused, she said she almost called the police to have me arrested for stealing her money. Just 3 days ago she was perfect ! This hurts, I gave her checks and credit cards back and told her we moved them to a safe place to be able to pay her bills but now she has them back! She said she still loves me but never brought me up to steal. This breaks my heart, this evening her caregiver said she was fine! She was asking her to help her with names of movie stars in different movies. So my question is if she’s fine with her caregivers but mad at me how can she have dementia when she’s fine with her caregiver? So hurtful to see her this way. My sister mentioned the dr. Said she had vascular dementia but I didn’t believe this as she’s totally normal (90% of the time).

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This is a long article... but maybe some of it will help...

Confabulation in Dementia Can Feel Like Hurtful Lies - AgingCare ...
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm
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Vascualr dementia (VaD) is somewhat different than the other progressive neurodegenerative diseases lke AD. VaD is caused by lack of oxygen to the brain caused by recurrung mini strokes. Symptoms may not be short term memory problems, but more often difficulty with decision making, paying bills, confusion, among other symptoms. Additionally, VaD changes most ofen comes in noticeable downward steps, as opposed to gradual declining. So the issues you describe could be early VaD. Who gave her this prognosis? A family dr.? A neurologist? These dementia related diseases cannot be diagnosed by a family physician. If you want to get yet another opinion, make sure you see a neurologist, neuropsychologist, or geriatric physician.
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Kbshane Sep 2020
Thanks _yes it was her PCP who dx this. This is why I don’t fully believe it. She’s wonderful kind, independent and up until her macular degeneration getting worse read a book a day, played scrabble and kept up with politics. Just these 2 bouts of accusing me of stealing her money otherwise she hasn’t had any issues. I can deal with her repeating the same stories as she is 100. Just trying to get an idea how to get her mind off this deal of me taking her money. She said last night she forgave me and that she loved me but she never brought us up to steal😫. Feel like telling her I won’t steal anymore
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Play skippo 😀. Play it as long as you can ❤️.

When you say 'maybe she'll go back to normal' I feel a bit nervous for you. What are your expectations for a 100 year old lady?

Going forward - not back is the key. Could you try to move from *go back to normal* to *embrace the new normal*?

But keep enjoying what you can together & look for the positives throughout this aging journey.
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Kbshane Sep 2020
sorry I meant back to her normal behavior. It’s difficult as she’s 💯 % normal 90% of the time. She had this bout in August then again a few days ago. If you have any ideas what I can say to her so she’ll get this off her mind I’d be forever grateful. If I said the fairies took her money she’d think I was nuts..
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Something similar is happening to my 88 year-old mum. As you say that's very confusing. She is ok one day and do strange things the following: like throwing food in the neighbors backyard or staring at the phone without picking it up as if she did not remember how it works. She had a brain scan but nothing serious was found. There had been some vascular events but normal at her age.
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Kbshane Sep 2020
Ahh, it’s so difficult isn’t it? My mom still lives alone but we have cameras set up and either us or hired caregivers. This is only her 2nd bout of accusing me of stealing. Thank goodness I have the weekend off, I need it😀. Maybe with me away she’ll forget I stole her stuff. She said I was lucky she almost had me arrested😫
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My father was diagnosed with vascular dementia. It’s been very confusing. Sometimes he seems perfectly fine and can stay that way for a while then at times he’s not fine and gets quite confused. I never know what kind of day he’s going to have so it’s really feels like a roller coaster ride. In fact, my sister is still in denial. She lives out of town and calls him once a week. She says I’ve never seen any signs of dementia. Yet I see it, and two doctors have diagnosed him with it. But I must say even I sometimes have my doubts until he gets confused all over again. His math skills are no longer the best so keeping a checkbook can be difficult and unfortunately he has gone down to the bank and accused them of stealing from him. He also no longer trusts me since I reported his driving. I try to help him as much as possible but he’s always been stubborn so he doesn’t want my help plus he doesn’t realize he has dementia and needs help, so it can get pretty frustrating.
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Kbshane Sep 2020
Thanks so much , yes my sister said she has the dementia and I’m the sister who sees her as normal (until now).
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Knowing movie star names can be older memories. Vascular Dementia (& most other types) affect short term memory first.

"You stole it". It seems to be very common. The combination of a little decline in short term memory & a little increase in paranoid thinking leads to this solution.

It's quite creative really. Something is missing, so the brain fills in the gaps with the story... you stole it.

First, recent memories may get tangled, distorted or covered up. Eg "What did you eat for lunch yesterday?" Answer soup. But you know she had a sandwich.

Then older memories may get tangled up with the present.
Eg "My neighbour broke into my house & stole my TV! It was right here. I just bought it!" (The long gone big box TV was a distant memory - the new flat screen still in the room).

Please don't take these accusations personally. Try not to deny them or get caught in futile arguements. Practice the subtle tricks to distract & disarm instead. Oh, someone borrowed that... I think it is just misplaced... the fairies have been at it again...

TIAs (small strokes) may be happening undetected. While it is sad to watch this decline,
you can accept what is & keep your focus on having a good day together.
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Kbshane Sep 2020
Thanks, your answers really make sense now. She just turned 100 last week and feel she’s gone down hill since then. But we play skippo and she wins so her minds still intact. She has though in the last few months started telling us stories of when she was younger and will repeat them constantly. Hopefully this stealing issue has been rectified so maybe she’ll go back to normal. Thank you so much!
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Thanks
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If it's a sudden change in personality a UTI is a good possibility. But if a doctor diagnosed her with vascular dementia it could be that worsening. Losing stuff then accusing family members of stealing it is very common for dementia patients.
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