My mother in every conversation brings up that she is dying when she is relatively healthy. She is so hard to talk to because her stress and negativity affects me terribly. I have some mental health issues but doing well. But as soon as I call my mom I have so much anger toward her. She yells at me. You can’t tell her anything. She knows it all. I am so burnt out I just want to walk away from her. That’s how bad it’s getting. I can’t cope with and DREAD my phone calls to her. What a life. I was widowed three years ago. I am 67 with a fantastic son who is getting married next year. I want joy in my life at this stage. I was a social worker my entire career. I retired to enjoy life. But my mother sucks the life out of me.
I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. Were you able to fully grieve for him in a healthy way or have you been solely occupied with the needs of your mom?
I can see how your mom’s negativity has caused dread in your life. It’s a dreadful situation.
I was thinking about the fact that you were a social worker. You were in a profession that helped others which is admirable, but your life maters equally to hers. Let me ask you, if someone came to you, and they were in the same situation as you are now, how would you as the ‘social worker’ advise them? What recommendations would you have for them? Take a minute to think about it and then please share how you feel.
I am not suggesting that you forget about your mom entirely. This is your mom. Of course, you have empathy. I am saying that there has to be a healthy balance in your life. It’s necessary to set boundaries in place, in order to achieve the correct balance in our lives.
Look, you may have to limit your phone calls with your mom. Hopefully, she will get the message that she can’t continue behaving like she does. No one can guarantee that she will. Unfortunately, some people never learn to respect boundaries and they become belligerent when faced with ultimatums. If that happens, you have a new dilemma to deal with. In extreme cases, some people end up having to go ‘no contact’ with their parents.
Just remember that there shouldn’t be any judgment from others placed on your decisions or anyone else for making choices that are correct for their particular situation. So, ignore anyone who tries to force their viewpoint on you if it isn’t applicable for your needs.
Wishing you peace during this challenging time in your life. I hope that you find the joy that you are seeking in your life. Take care. Please let us know how things are going. We care.
And if you're only one of a few who check on her, you can buy some inexpensive security cameras to place throughout her house that you can access through your phone to check on her any time you want, which will give you an excuse not to call her as much.
Now quite allowing mom to steal your joy and get back out there and enjoy your life!!!