She is refusing everything, even the Z pack antibiotics she got from the ER the other night. I had to stay for 5 hours with her getting agitated. She has always been stubborn, but I don't know what to do. She has a bad HHA 3 days a week and I'm left with everything at night. I work full time. My little dogs are starting to get sick. I can't do this anymore. I have no support except for the HHA who has been trained by the Alzheimer's Association. My back is hurting, my head is hurting, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted.
I am sorry that you promised her never a nursing home. None of us can foresee what will be the best course of action in the future, and eliminating an entire category of options is usually a mistake. The situation has changed. It is OK to do what is best for her, even if it technically against a promise made without all the facts.
Will Mom need Medicaid to be able to afford placement? How is the HHA being paid now? If Medicaid is required, get started on that application now.
It sounds like what Mother needs is dementia care. And even with HHA help it sounds like that is more than you can provide. Listen to her doctors.
The proper medications can also help with the anxiety, depression and hallucinations that are a part of this disease.
Good luck to both of you!