How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

To give everyone an update:
I was going to "just" do the legitimate sweepstakes for my mother, but I have a feeling that would then open up the floodgates for more. Since even "reputable" organizations sell their mailing lists, I didn't even bother.

Instead I went to the post office and explained my mom's situation (I love her. I am concerned. She probably has early dementia. She's sending checks all over the place and ordering things she said she never ordered).

Long story short, I asked them to forward all of her mail to me. And they did! They asked if I have Power of Attorney (I do) and asked me to drop off a copy to them (haven't done it yet) and they now forward everything here.

My advice to others in similar situations is not to give up. If you have POA go to the post office as I did. I told my mom I love her and I want to help her with her bills because I LOVE DOING PAPERWORK and I can't wait for us to the bills together and spend time together and chit chat doing it all at my house. Since mom loves being with me, it was an easy sell.

That day anyway. As you all know with memory issues, the same questions keep coming up "why am I not getting anymore mail?" etc to which I reply "I want to help with the bills because it's fun to do them with you" or something similar. So far, so good.

Find their "weak point" and capitalize on it. Just remember, you're doing it for their own good. White lies.

KAREN:

You tried reasoning, the dementia assessment, intercepting her mail. Nothing worked. ... Reminds me of people addicted to something they don't want to give up (e.g. gambling).

It's obvious she doesn't know -- or doesn't care about -- the difference between legitimate sweepstakes and scams. So let's educate her with the Federal Trade Commission's tips for consumers to keep in mind before responding to an "It's Your Lucky Day" call or letter:

(1) Legitimate sweepstakes don't require you to pay or buy something to enter or improve your chances of winning, or to pay "taxes" or "shipping and handling charges" in advance to get your prize;

(2) Sponsors of legitimate contests identify themselves prominently; fraudulent promoters are more likely to downplay their identities. Legitimate promoters also provide you with an address or toll-free phone numbers so you can ask that your name be removed from their mailing or calling list; and

(3) It's highly unlikely that you've won a "big" prize if your notification was mailed by bulk rate. Check the postmark on the envelope or postcard. Also be suspicious of telemarketers who say you've won a contest you can't remember entering.

Other than these tips, I don't know what else to suggest except show my support by screaming with you out the window. But with my luck and the neighbors I have here in the Bronx, I'm sure someone will call 911 or Animal Control. ... And I just might win a trip to the nearest psych ward ... which I'll definitely have to pay for.

Wish you the best my friend, and don't be a stranger.

-- ED

My mother was the Vice President at a bank and was responsible for catching a ring of people who were planning a bank robbery. She and my father always lived a conservative lifestyle and had little debt. She was one of the most thorough book keepers I have ever seen. When she was in her early 80's she began receiving the lottery scams as well as the sweepstakes scams in the mail. She was not an addictive personality type so it was apparent that she either made the mistake of being too trusting or she lost the ability to make good financial decisions. It is most likely dementia. I tried everything from removing the sweepstakes from the mail to interventions with police, family members and friends. Nothing had worked. I became her POA and it worked for five years and now she is attempting to have it over turned. I am now seeking Guardian/Conservatorship over her. She has lost approximately $100,000. She tells me (when I warn her that she could end up penniless on the street) that she doesn't care if she ends up homeless, and insists that it is her money and she can do whatever she wants with it. My advice is get POA first then seek out a physician to determine the cause of the problem. A POA should be unable to be overturned if the person is diagnosed with dementia AFTER the POA is in effect. If that is not possible in your circumstances, then immediately pull together your facts about losses etc. contact an estate planning attorney or a social worker at a non profit or state funded Senior Services Center. Social workers are very adept in providing free or low cost assistance with this particular issue. My last piece of advice is DON'T WAIT!! This type of issue is very common in early dementia and the situation will not improve. I wish you the very best of luck. Stick to your guns and don't give up.

Has your mother always been unstable with money or is this a new thing? If it's new, then she's got mental problems would be my guess. Gotta take control of the money somehow if she's showing signs of dementia. If her mental health is okay, at least as far as the dementia/alzheimers thing goes, then if you told her that doctors are going to think she IS mentally ill, and put her in a 'home' what would she say? However SOMEONE does have to win the lotteries etc. but the chances are like, getting struck by lightning while sitting on an iceberg at the North Pole.

She was never unstable with money. This is a new thing. In one of my previous posts I had written that I took mom for a 3 hour intensive dementia assessment. They said she does not have dementia. She has mild cognitive impairment.

If I told her that I was going to tell the doctors about this, she would get angry with me for "threatening" her.

If it were lotteries, e.g. state lotteries where you buy the ticket at 7-eleven etc or even the scratch offs I agree that someone has to win because those are legit. However, she is entering into sweepstakes which come in the mail. Those are sent from companies which may not even exist. All it takes is a printer, an address, a stamp, and a catchy headline. "you are guaranteed to be a winner of at least TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS." ...Just send us $19.95 so we can expedite your check...And she does send the money. Any fool could sit in his bedroom, buy a mailing list and start racking in the profits. Lotteries are strictly regulated by the state. Sweepstakes entries which come in the mail aren't.

My fear is that she will keep sending money to them and the amount they ask for will keep increasing in lieu of "winning" more money. I have watched many heartbreaking stories on the news, Dateline etc of the elderly being ripped off and losing their life savings. I am trying to stop that from happening to my mother. All they need is one of her checks and then they have the routing number and account number to do what they want. It's so scary.

And yes, the chances of winning a legit lottery are remote. And that's for the legitimate lottery. Imagine the odds for the sweepstakes which come in the mail. I'd say closer to non-existent!

That's how my mother-in-law started. She had her home and car payed for she got so in debt before dementia set in she refinanced the house and car. My husband and I ended up having to move in with her to keep her from being out on in the streetor in a facility. And beleivie it wasn't easy. She would still slip money in the mail past up and then forget sending it and accuse us of stealing it. Once we moved in we found out serious the problem was their was scamers calling her all day for money. In one year she had sent out over $25,000. You're so right to try to catch her mail. After she stops repling it eases up some in a couple of years. But they know they are elderly and they target the ones they think have no to stop it. Good luck and God bless.

Thank you all for the very helpful info as my 87 yr old mother has fallen prey to these low life's. I am at my wits end when trying to explain to her that she has not "won" anything & will never see any of the so called "prizes" that were promised. A few days ago she called me very excited & said "I wanted you to be the first to know that I just won a brand new Mercedes Benz along with a check for one million dollars, he called to tell me that he is on his way here (to her home) from Ft. Lauderdale & will be here in 45 minutes to deliver her prizes in person. She was instructed to put two envelopes with a check in each envelope, one had a $300 check & the other $150 & put them in her mailbox which she did!!! I told her to take them out of the mailbox NOW. To my surprise she did but only after I told her that if it was legitimate they would not have her put checks on the mailbox that they would knock on the door. I live 10 minutes away & my brother lives in her home but he isn't reliable & really doesn't care like he should. I got to her house as fast as I could & parked down the street but no one ever showed up - that day. When I asked her for the two names she wrote the checks out to she refused to tell me & refused to give me the checks to see. Two days later my brother called to tell me she had put the checks on the mailbox again & claimed to be waiting with pen & paper (as I instructed) to write down their tag number & description (so he says) & the next thing he hears is my mom accusing him of taking the envelopes off the mailbox. He said he overheard her talking on the phone to who sounded like the same man from 2 days prior so my brother yelled into the phone that he would be waiting for him too.
My mother is not wealthy by any means. She was a single mom who raised 4 kids by herself who worked 3 different jobs on no sleep. She now relies on a fixed income from SS & has ALWAYS watched every penny & would never throw it away on a maybe. I don't want to take away her independence but someone (as always me) has to take whatever is necessary to put a stop to this.
The cops or whatever elder affair agencies must step up & do something about these scumbags who prey on the elderly & make an example out of every one they do catch & convict by giving them a very long state prison term. It just may deter the next scam artist or at the very least make him/her think twice.

I am experiencing a similar situation with my great aunt - which has been going on for over 3 years now. I have pulled up all the scam artists online and she then moves on to someone else. I finally got her to leave the mail on the table for me to look at and I tell her that if they are asking for money, it is a scam. I mentioned she is better off buying a weekly lottery ticket each week, but that doesn't work either. She has cognitive issues as well as financial issues with her house, so she is experiencing anxiety about the potential of losing her home. I just received a call today from a house guest she has staying with her, where she spent a long period of time on the phone with someone who told her she has won a contest and she has to pay a $300 fee to obtain her prize. She said she is going to send $100. In the meantime, she can't afford the heating bill this winter because her tenants have stopped paying the rents. I have been her caregiver for over 4 years and I am at my wits end. I haven't been able to work because of the ongoing problems. She also has lots of health problems, which is all on my shoulders. Sadly, I am at a point where I will have to request a guardian ad litem be appointed because I, frankly, need assistance. I can deal with her health issues and mental health issues, but dealing with financial issues is far beyond my scope of understanding (even though I have a legal and real estate background). It is hard to see the poor choices our loved ones make. Predators are everywhere. We are dealing with the decline of our loved ones (which is scary) and then we are dealing with predators that we cannot protect our loved ones from. I am grateful for websites such as Agingcare.com because (at least) we have a chance to express our concerns, offer help to others, ask for help . . . . and become enlightened that we are not alone.

ladeeM.... I tried this - multiple times. It doesn't work. Yes, they say they'll remove the name from the calling/mailing list - but they don't. The only way to fix his is to intercept the mail. I got a locking mailbox and while it's a hassle to go through the pile of mail everyday, at least mother doesn't get tempted. I also got POA over her health and financial decision making. It worked.

I just wanted to mention that I have the same problem with my mother. She has always been unstable and now she is getting constant mailings from a religious organization. I'm not sure if it's a scam or not but my mother already gives to the local church and she can't afford to give as freely as she'd like to. They look like they want to get her on one of those continual giving campaigns. It's not that easy to get off those lists. I contacted one to tell them that she is sick and confused (which she is) and so they should stop mailing requests. They said they would take her off the list after a few more mailings. Last week, she got a huge package the biggest ever--which I'm sure they will say they can't control. They will try to hook them in before they get off the list by sending a few 'final mailings." When they suspect they have an easy mark they don't let go that easily. Be warned!