Mom was railroaded into going to assisted living. How can she ever return home?

Am I understanding this? Mom is suffering from dementia but she was driving a car??? If you think that is OK, then You have a serious moral/mental problem. It does seems that you do not understand that in this case, it is Not what mom wants, but what mom needs, to keep her (and everyone else around her) safe. I think your sister is right. All about money? Have you checked the cost of a suitable facility? Keeping mom at home is too often about saving an inheritance. Please cooperate with your sister in caring from mom.

Leave your sister alone. She's done the right thing. Mom is safe where she is, and "home" isn't what you think it is. She's likely thinking of her childhood home.

Be supportive of your sister. She's doing the heavy lifting here, and you riling up Mom isn't helpful.

Your profile says, "i"m on disability, currently living at my mom"s home..."

Are you worried about losing your place to live or having to start paying rent (if you weren't already)? If so, these are legitimate concerns. But your mom has dementia and apparently you aren't seeing it, which is also an issue. I have a 99-yr old aunt with mod/adv dementia who lives in the same home since 1975 but wants to "go home" every afternoon. This is called Sundowning, a common dementia behavior. They aren't referring to their most recent home, but usually a home from their youth. This may be what is happening, or, she does wish to come back to your shared home but can't because she is not longer able to care for herself where she was living and you aren't able to give her the care she needs. Moving her to AL is a profound change for the both of you. Hopefully your sister had her checked for a UTI first, which can cause dementia-like behavior. I wish you much clarity and peace in your heart as you both adjust.

"find away to get mom home. that's all she wants"

What if what she *wants* is unsafe?

It is hard to really understand how unsafe a person with dementia can be, but it sounds like, to me, that your mother caused a driving accident while your sister was in the car, and this started her thinking that your mom was no longer safe on her own?
A lot of times people with dementia cannot process how it is affecting them. As well, a person's ability to have conversation with others can hang in there, long after their ability to make good decisions is gone. They 'sound' ok, but have serious gaps in their abilities to care for themselves. Because they have no way to make new memories (the dementia has taken that ability away) they cannot remember new information that they hear or see-her new home will seem strange to her for a while. She wants to return to the familiar, but as you note she requires care beyond what you can provide. Your sister may have been thinking of that as well. Likely the cost of an assisted living, staffed 24/7, meets those needs better than trying to have aides come in. It is hard to hear your loved one being unhappy, but I think your sister has made a hard choice that was the best one for your mother. Please try to support her. If you can do so peacefully, why not talk with your sister about ways to interact with your mom that keep your mom calm? She may have some suggestions about what works for her, which may include limiting calls or changing the conversation when your mom starts asking to come home. Nothing about this is easy, but your mom doesn't see how much care she's requiring.

ezyone, my Mom was saying she wanted to go home while living in a nursing home. When she was asking if she could visit her parents, I knew it was the home she grew up in back in the early 1900's. I had to use a "therapeutic fib" that I knew she would believe by saying her parents were visiting the old country [which they did frequently].

Then she asked to visit her sisters, so I had to be quick on my feet as each sister had a different life, so the fib had to be something Mom could relate. I never told her everyone had passed. My Mom was 98 years old.

With her dementia and inability to walk anymore, it needed a village to take care of her. Thus, 3 shifts of workers to help.

Senior living is expensive, it was costing my Dad $12,000 per month for my Mom to be in a nursing home. And it was costing Dad $5k-$7K for his senior living. He tried 3 shifts of caregivers for himself when he lived at his house but that was costing $20k per month, yes per month. If my folks didn't save for those "rainy days", Medicaid can help with nursing home payments, if your Mom qualifies.

Yes it's hard when your Mom cries & wants to go home.

Mom is entitled to her feelings & wishes. (Feeling sad will help her adjust).

But you don't have to make her wishes come true.

Just hold her hand.
Let her share her feelings.
Be the shoulder to cry on.

Bring her flowers or other small gifts & smiles to brighten her day.
💐🌺🏵️

Just so you understand the nature of dementia, there are folks living in their own homes who beg to 'go home' every single day. Their loved ones are unable to convince them they're already home, and the begging goes on and on, in spite of the fact they haven't left their home in decades.

"Going home" is a quest for a place in time and a level of comfort more so than a brick and mortar building for a person suffering from dementia. Your mother can move back in with you and STILL beg to 'go home' once she gets there.

That's the sad truth about the horrible condition of dementia. And we all lose when our poor mothers and fathers come down with it, and we have to watch them wither away before our very eyes. We lose them, bit by bit, every day, to a wretched disease that destroys them.

I'm sorry you're suffering, dear one. Wishing you peace as you accept what's happened to your mom and learning to find acceptance with it.

yes i have checked the prices and i have my own place and when this all started 4-5 yrs ago mom was fine even by 2 docters but the sis kept going and found 1 that agreed . i know that presently mom is better where she is. i should tell the whole story so you would uderstand but it"s today and it is what it is. by the way my sis has not been there to see mom since she went to the home. i don"t call that caring about mom. thank you for you candice though. i keep learning

Is your mom in assisted living or a nursing home?

Most people that aren't home, would prefer to be home. That does not mean it is a good idea. If she is diagnosed with dementia, being in a facility might really be the best and/or safest option for her.