My mother is 87 and getting very frail, her mind is going as well. I don't know if she has given my or my brother POA and she refuses to discuss it. I spoke to her lawyer who tells me she can't discuss anything without my mom's approval. My mom is afraid we are trying to steal her money! It's maddening. How am I supposed to take care of her? Any thoughts?
It would be pretty pointless to have a POA and not tell that person! You don't have to tell other family members (though why not?) but how can the POA duties be handled by someone who doesn't know they have that role? !
It would be a simple matter for mother to set up a new POA, rescinding any she might have forgotten!
What, specifically, are you wanting to do now that would require you (or someone) to have POA? Or are you concerned about the future? Maybe Mom is right and she has everything set up the way she wants it with the lawyer.
So I assume if it was you or brother you would have remembered signing..