80 years old and bedbound. No pain. She's just been crying and calling for her mother all day and feeling sorry for herself. I feel she may have a touch of dementia but that hasn't been diagnosed. Nothing I'm trying works, including medication, talking to her (she has a hard time speaking now), sitting next to her and ignoring it, asking her to stop, speaking patiently with her. Nothing. I'm very frazzled and drained from spending the day around her. The only times she seems normal these days is when she's asleep.
What a wonderful gift you were to your Mother. I had a therapist once tell me that humans really are amazing because we choose to love even when we know our loved ones may die before us and that we will, ultimately , be in pain. I don't know why I just thought of that except that you are now enduring that pain. And it is just horrible but it is universal and it will get better. It has to get better--humans would never be able to choose to love in the first place if it didn't.
Try and take it day by day, hour by hour. Let yourself grieve but try and get some sunshine and a little exercise everyday. Surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a support group in real life(I mean, you got us here! --but maybe a real one would be a good addition)
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay in touch here if you can. Let us know how you are doing. We all care. (((hugs)))
praying for your family and your strength this morning and thru this entire grieving process you now face. (((HUGZ)))
Mom n I, will pray for your strength!!
Still coming to terms with what's happened. I feel an incredible void right now and it doesn't seem like it will ever be filled. For the past year and half my mom was sick and my whole life revolved around her. When I went to sleep, when I woke up, how much I could sleep (depending on how much she slept), what I ate, making her meals, going to the market thinking about what she would like, lifting her out of bed and onto the commode when she was able, and then changing her diapers when she couldn't, lifting her onto her chair, feeding her, putting her on her bipap, all the people coming and going, dealing with hired caregivers, calling in hopsice and dealing with them, dealing with medication. Man. I realize almost every waking moment of mine was pretty much devoted to her, and when it wasn't, I was worrying about one thing or another related to her. And now she's gone. Just gone. Not coming back. So much finality to it, it's crushing me. I want her back. I walk into her room and her bed is there and it's empty and I start crying, so I'm avoiding her part of the house. I'm not sure what to do with myself. Thanks for listening.
Use real butter.
It does sound like she has dementia. Read soothing Psalms to her from the BIble to calm her. Show her old photographs. Play her old favorite music. She sounds like she is disoriented. Hold her hand and converse with her - even when she doesn't make sense.
Get help for yourself - really. Be kind to yourself. Take time to nurture yourself so you can give more to your Mom who really needs you at this stage of her life.
Mom passed away peacefully this morning.
When my mom (who has dementia) does this kind of stuff, I tell her if she keeps it up I will have to call the ambulance and have her taken to the ER (she refuses to walk - well, except when she wants to sneak down the hall to listen in on phone conversations). When she gets really bad I tell her that if she doesn't knock it off I'm going to have to put her in a skilled nursing facility, since obviously her medical needs are too great for me to take care of her. Those two threats - or a combination thereof - are usually sufficient to get her to stop. And, of course, I can always just leave the room and go do other things.
What the doc is likely to do, unless she has a UTI, is put her on anti-depressants. Oh boy! Another miracle drug to drag her life out a few more years.
her is something i just saw just the other day and had to copy to remember "A Moment of Respite: Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special. "
I am so sorry your Mom is dying. So very very sorry. I am glad your sister is there and others flying in. Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Your Mom is blessed to have you by her side. Still praying for you and your Mom and family. ((((hugs))))
Update: Mom stopped the moaning and groaning (they medicated her with morphine and an antipsychotic and crashed this morning and hasn't been very responsive. I think she exhausted herself with all the agitation. Earlier today when you talked to her she opened her eyes and there was a completely vacant look in her eye. The hospice nurse said she's actively dying. She doesn't seem to be even opening her eyes anymore. she's not eating or drinking. Nothing today. No urine. She's under 24 hour at home hospice care now. Family is flying in from various parts to be here with her. My sister is here now too.
I've been her caregiver for a year and a half. I regret the times I was annoyed with her for my life being on hold. I keep wondering what I could've done differently and that I'm not ready to lose my mom. Like there were a few more things I needed to do or say to get things just right. I'm her youngest child and she always told me I was her favorite. She spoiled me and was always there for me. Just not ready for her to go yet
please let us know how things are doing....we care!!! my heart is breaking for you but also maybe nurse is wrong...get her in to a DR/Hospital for a more thorough assessment if you can asap ....I would say idk im flustered and in tears for you, I immediately put myself there with you.
You are not alone in spirit. and breathe as Mishka sed!!!!
love and prayers for you and your mom!!!
Juju