My mom is in a nursing facility where she has completed rehab following several falls and a TIA. They say she is ready to come home or go to an assisted living facility. She does have dementia, anxiety disorder, depression, diabetes – but no illnesses of the heart or other major organs. The SNF says mom is able to walk well with a walker, care for her personal hygiene, dress and feed herself. They say she is pleasant, cooperative and shy. This is a pretty good facility and I respect their observations.
In the 4 months mom has been there, rehab and I have agreed on a few DAILY TASKS that will get mom home: 1) Walk with her walker around the facility as much as possible 2) attend at least 1 activity (Coffee Club, dining in the Dining Room for any meal, Bingo, all kinds of socials and crafts, etc.) 3) Read anything of her choosing & watch TV a bit to keep her brain sharp 4) Do most of her hygiene and self care independently.
So, THE PROBLEM: Mom is NOT doing much beyond lying in bed and sitting in her wheelchair. She MIGHT do one of her “DAILY TASKS” every other day. When I am there it is constant complaints, negativity, and she tells me “I’d be better off dead.” When she was home, my household was chaos – complaining, unable to do anything without help, and sometimes refusing to eat or take meds.
I am the only child and she desperately wants my attention and servitude. She has no living relatives or friends. I felt like a fool today when her nurse told me again that mom is sweet and does pretty well caring for herself. They are not seeing the needy, demanding, critical mom that I know well.
I MUST make a decision regarding mom’s return home NOW. Since I am the only person on earth that cares at all, I have extra guilt.
Thanks for “listening”. You guys have become a source of support and reason, and I am grateful.
And guilt is useless, don't let it be a part in your decision making. Only you know what it's like to have your mom living with you. Are you prepared to go back to that for an indefinite period of time? If so then bring her home. Do what's best for 1.) you and your family and 2.) your mom. Then let us know how things turned out.