Up until 2 months ago, mom was getting up throughout the night on her own to pee and spit out heart failure sputum/gerd sputum etc. One morning, she woke up and its like the lights went out. Weak, frail, fragile and didnt want to wash or dress herself anymore. Took her to ER, she had anemia and was then scheduled for a blood and iron transfusion. This helped, but about 1 month ago, she became agitated at night. Since she was too weak to turn or get out of bed, she called out for me all night long, sometimes every 5 min to get her "comfortable." Went to a psychiatrist after this went on for 1 month and I had ZERO sleep since she was calling out all night. He prescribed seroquel 25mg (didnt help ) and then tradazone 25mg (mildly helpful). It's exhausting to hear your mother call out all night long "elhp me," "give me water," "turn me." It's like she can't relax in bed and can go for hours calling me every 5 minutes. I sometimes lose my temper by telling her I can't come every 5 min and then she turns on me and says then DONT TOUCH ME, GET AWAY FROM ME, she doesnt calm down if I don't go. The screams become louder. During the day she is fine. Do I just participate in this obsessive behavior or do I yell at her (Iknow it's not her fault).
2. If no relatives can help, hire the help.
3. If hired aides are not available: due to cost, time needed to arrange, remote area etc, then take the next step.
4. Discuss what options ARE available with her Doctor.
This may even be an inpatient stay until further evaluations & plans are made.
Sleep is necessary to both of you. Your lack of sleep is a concern as you can't be an effective caregiver without it.
Finding your voice to speak up with confidence will be key.
You are standing up for your Mother's needs. You are also standing up for yours.
What doctor in their right mind is going to discourage you from getting a nighttime aide??? Mom needs a new doctor and the current one needs to learn compassion for exhausted caregivers up all night with Sundowning elders.
Yelling is never a good idea. Its when you know you need to bring in help to assist you.
If all else fails, consider placing mom in long term care of some kind for end of life management.
I'm so sorry for all you're going thru and pray you can come up with a resolution that brings both of you peace.
Her agitation isn't good for either of you and not be able to move with heart failure allows fluids and mucus to build up.
Does she have the money to get an aid in for the nights or at least a couple of nights a week? You will become a statistic at the rate you are going.
As hard as it is, these are the types of situations that prompt facility placement.
I would not recommend yelling at her, maybe telling her to stop or knock it off would curb the behavior. I wouldn't count on it though.
Great big warm hug! This is a tough situation no matter what you choose.