Mom's SCARY eyes! Anyone else experience this?

remember also that your mother's eyesight might be failing and so she stares so intensely to try to focus. Try not to internalize it so much...don't project onto her thoughts or feelings, you really don't know what she's thinking/feeling and when you are stressed, you are far more likely to imagine the worst instead of the best.

*DesertRat5555* - your post about your parent's "explanation" and your comments about it have been very insightful. Thank you!

Both my mom and dad watch my every move. It can be unsettling. And lately mom had gotten in the habit of intense wide eyed stare after asking a question or telling me something. Almost as if to say...can you fix this. I am an advance practice nurse and I believe that the stare is a sort of plead for me to fix things. It can aggrevate me and breaks my heart at the same time. Because I cannot fix dad's dementia, their aging, Mom's debilitating neck arthritis and the horrific pain associated with it. I believe that as we age if our health declines, dementia or other issue rear their ugly heads....our world's shrink. I believe that dad's mental decline has trapped him sort of in himself...as his abilities slip away I feel like he watches (me in particular) to hang on to reality, to keep hold of what is in his world. He has mom and I and that is what he clings to. He does not like to have us out of his site, becomes fearful. Recently, he said (in a very lucid moment) "when I can see you or mom, I know I am ok. I know it bugs you sometimes, but you have to know that I am scared to slip away and being able to watch you and mom and know you are here, means I am still here...that I am ok. I am ashamed of not being the man that was your dad, of clinging to you with my gaze (he actually used those exact words). Thank you, for loving mom & me. I know my watching and sometimes hateful stares must make you inpatient and angry. But you never let on. It is horribly frightening to have to cling to life by watching your own child care for and worry about you. I never wanted you to have to be burdened with us. You have given up your life and freedom for us and there is no way give back to you. Except to tell you how.much you mean to us. The sad and frightening thing is, tomorrow or tonight, I won't remember saying this and I will be angry again and staring you down. Maybe you could write this down for both of us, so you can remember that I am still the man that is your dad, even if only for 5 minutes. Don,t bother giving me a copy...my damned old eyes can't read it"
I did write it down...word for word. Later that dad he was staring me down again. I went into the bathroom, pulled the piece of paper out of my pocket and read what he had said to me. I carry that paper with me and it is already flimsy and worn from me pulling it out and 're-reading it...when I am frustrated from the staring and watching. I AM SOOOO thankful for the moment of clarity that dad had...so he could give me glimpse into how he feels in his world.
I do not know if this has anything to do with why your mom is staring, watching, and has "scary eyes". But I share this story with you because I DO NKOW how maddening the watching and staring can be and is.
I do not have human children and do not consider myself a care giver. Actually, I am a care giver, as I am a nurse. But it is an entirely different kettle of fish when you are caring for you parents and the roles.are reversed. I cannot speak for you, but I feel so much responsibility and guilt. And I think that prior to my dad's moment of lucidity, I felt that the watching and angry stare were personally directed at me....almost as if he were blaming me for where he is, his condition, his decline. I AM A SO THANKFUL for the words and love he gave me.
Your mom is blessed to have you!!!!!!
Know that she loves you and perhaps she watches and stares, partly for the same reason my dad does.
I hope that you can find someone to give you even an hour break every now and then...simply to "BE" and know that the world is ok. And that you being in this world makes the world a better place.
I will be thinking of you and sending loving, restful lite your way (stares not included :-) ...... I hope this last comment at least puts a small smile on your face.
Remember, you are doing the right thing and there are many of us here to support you!!!!!!!

My 70 year old dad with dementia also gets crazy eyes, usually when the dementia is pretty bad. It's those times when he's the most agitated. I've only noticed them since he's been diagnosed and it's always the same circumstances.

Old peoples eyes dry out quickly, have you tried eye drops? Consider 94, what life might be like for her. She may be a different human being than the one you remember during her vibrant years, she may have fears and thoughts she is unable to express, she may have Alzheimers . Bless you for taking care of your mom. She won't be around much longer...give her love and gentle caring regardless of what you feel may be hostility behind those eyes. If you do that, you will have no regrets, but believe me, she feels your weariness, your anger, your resentment. She is in a position of total vulnerability. Don't know where you live, but you might contact your local office of aging, churches, senior centers to see if you could find someone to relieve you at least once a week. It's important.