I’m 36 taking care of my 66 yr old mother that has EOA. She literally shuts down and stops talking to me and locks herself in her room away from me. It’s still early in this disease and I’m dealing with it all alone. Any suggestions? I have my days where I can walk away but some days it really provokes me by being accused.
Don't argue with them. You can deny taking something, but try not to be confrontational. "Oh no, Mom! Your embroidery scissors is missing? That is sad. I know that those are a particular favorite of yours. I know I didn't take them deliberately, but I might have picked them up by mistake so let me help you look for them. If they don't show up in a couple of days, let's buy a nice replacement."
*Please try not to take it personally.
*Let her tell you all about it, with you repeating a couple of words every so often, so she feels validated.
*Try to "turn off" your hearing (ignore the discussion).
*Try redirecting her onto another subject or activity.
*Try going along with it and offer to help her "find" it.
*Try NOT to argue, it only makes it worse. To HER, the item has been stolen. She doesn't realize SHE misplaced it and will probably accuse you of "putting it back" anyway. This, unfortunately, is a loose-loose situation.
*Good thing is this won't last forever...however it feels like it.
Good luck and prayers for you both.
avoid all stressful TV. Avoid all news. And go to the park which works wonders. That's all I got.
I’ve been told by many experts to go into his world and let him believe what he wants. Perhaps you can try that. Also, I’ve done the whole putting my hand under his and gently speaking to redirect- ask about a favorite memory (I usually ask about his motorcycle or how he met his wife). But it’s exhausting.
Make sure to find support geoups (if you can- I can’t get away to do that) and take time for yourself if possible. Respite care at a senior center or an assisted living. Just know this is a stage, it’ll pass. I’m never sure if that’s really a good thing, but so far most of these quirks have been temporary until a new quirk shows up.
You are among understanding friends here; but if you do a little research you will also find people to connect with in your area, and you will find a lot of information at alz.org to help you understand what is going on in your mother's poor head.
She is fearful, and you are there. Those are the causes of her lashing out at you. Please, please do not take literally anything that she says.
I moved my mother close to me into a Retirement home, so I could go to the Drs. with her. I privately let the Dr. know all that was happening and she was put back on antidepressants. The right dose calmed her so she wasn’t stressed and agitated. It can calm so many symptoms of dementia. Please try doing this for you and your mother. There is help and too many think they just have to suffer through it. It won’t fix her, but it will help a lot and you will be able to breath again!
God bless you!
You and your mother are young to be coping with this. Perhaps it would help to look ahead, and think about what you are going to do when neither she nor you can do it. Then you can at least give yourself an end point for when you have to have the patience of a saint!
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