My mom has been bed ridden now for 2 years. We found out she had a brain disease awhile back had a shunt installed but think it stopped helping after a fall when she broke both of her wrist! Our small family that once was so close is completely shattered! I have a hard time helping w my mom bc of a spinal cord injury from a car accident I was in w my brother 30 years ago! I have so much guilt bc she was such a great mom deserves better my brother doesn't like to visit or his family so it's been all my husband and i n I recently had a house fire And my husband was burned badly! He's much better but I'm still picking up the pieces from fire & my best friend passed too. Obviously I'm completely lost and torn apart over this I just want to know how to help my mom more now ? She's gotten depressed bc of my brother not visiting or anyone else for that matter ? I need to get house smelling better and her up and her hair getting done she always liked to look her best but can't do it anymore I just want her to feel better too ty

Keeping the urine free of infection, keeping hydration good is step one. Normal urine should not smell bad. However urine sediments will build up in a catheter. The bags should be changed with the regularity recommended by the doctor. Twice a month is the normal recommendation but it can be done once a month with good hydration and in the absence of infection.

Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

Get the nurse to look into the catheter- there shouldn't be any smell. The tube should go from the urethra to the bag and it should all be sealed.

Find out if there's another reason for the urine smell - perhaps another healthcare professional can check that everything is being done correctly. A hospital ward with multiple patients using catheters does not smell of urine.

I'm sorry that your brother doesn't visit. But there's nothing you can do about that.
You aren't responsible for your mum's happiness. You can't work miracles.

Is getting your mum up and out of bed feasible after 2 years? Have you asked Mum's doctor?

I think that you want to fix everything, but some things can't be fixed.
Please make yourself and your husband your priority. Your mum is safe and being looked after. You cannot take on caregiving duties.
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Reply to MiaMoor

It sounds like her care is more than you can manage by yourself.
The options would be to have a caregiver come in a few times a week and help out. (Mom pays for the caregivers)
Another option would be to look for a SKILLED NURSING facility for her. The reason I say SNF is that with a catheter Assisted Living would probably not accept her. (maybe they would if she self caths)
If mom is Hospice eligible a Nurse would help. And a CNA would come at least 2 times a week to help with a bath or shower and order supplies. All the supplies and equipment that you would need would be covered by Medicare, Medicaid.

I am confused about the urine odor you mention. There should be none if she is properly placing the catheter and there are no leaks. (and she is using clean supplies and proper disposal)

the fact that your brother does not visit is not on you. That is between him and your mom. If she asks...just say "Sorry mom I have no idea why he has not visited or called" He is the one that has to live with himself. If she does not mention him don't bring it up.

Contact your local Senior Services Center and see if mom qualifies for any programs that will help with getting caregivers.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Your moms care is way too much for you now and you need to look into having her placed in a nursing facility, where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her loving daughter and advocate.
You have your plate more than full and you MUST take care of yourself and your husband first.
Let the professionals take care of your mom, so you can take care of yourself, your husband and your home. Your mom would want that, as I'm sure she doesn't want to be a burden on you or anyone else.

And as far as getting the smell of urine out of your house, I'm not sure I'm understanding why it's there in the first place. Just because your mom has a catheter, doesn't mean that there should be the smell of urine anywhere, unless pee is dripping out onto her sheets and blankets or getting in the chair where she is sitting. And if that is the case, then make sure these things are being washed daily, and a washable pad is being put down in her chair.
My late husband had a permanent catheter for the last 2 years of his life and my house never smelled like urine.

You cannot control what your brother does or doesn't do, as he will have to live with the choices that he makes.
All you can do is what is best for you and your family and what is best for your mom. And honestly I believe that placing her in the appropriate facility would be best for all involved. And if money is an issue, you can apply for Medicaid for your mom.
I wish you the very best in making the best and wisest decisions under these tough circumstances.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

I am sorry you are going through all of this all at once. It is overwhelming.
ask her Dr to evaluate her for hospice.
get a caregiver a couple times a week. Caregiving agency can get someone in to help. Yes it costs money. So ask up front. See what you can afford .
I would suggest to light a nice smelling candle to mask the smell.. or get a plug-in GLADE SCENT. Grocery store.
Take care.
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Reply to MAYDAY

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