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Dixiepenny, I have caught up on your posts.

You can make changes now, you don't want to, big difference. Obviously, your husband rules the roost and you follow his lead.

That is your choice and I wish you the best!
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lealonnie1 Dec 24, 2023
Exactly. We ALL have the power of choice in this life. And we teach others how to treat us and how far they can push us, too. W/o boundaries, a person can be pushed into an early grave!
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I used to be part of a family care support team. I called it The Magic Doll House.

After a (insert long story) needs +++, my stress +++, professional & informal advice, then 💡 in short, I quit.

I thought my enabling may cause a floor to collapse. Didn't - but, the other enablers had to find replacement services. They did & more Non-Family help was employed. While resisted at first, now fully welcomed & much appreciated.

The Doll's House gained MORE support (without frying up family). Success!

Folk can think "oh they are ok, do most everything themself, just need a little help". Yet if it was YOU Dixie that ran the household, did the chores & errands & kept it clean, you have a magic dolls house situation too.

Let your Husband go to play House alone with his Mother.
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I've been to Hawaii (Maui) 28 times. Every roundtrip is exhausting to me, even from California (via Oakland Airport).

The Hawaiian culture praises seniors as Wise Elders. Why she will never leave.
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MeDolly Dec 24, 2023
Her not leaving Maui is her problem, not yours.

If your husband doesn't have the backbone to embrace your needs there is a marriage problem here.

This is all crazy, it is no longer about what she wants, it is about what she and your family need.

Stop going, let hubby take care of her, not your responsibility.

Believe it or not, you have rights, although you seem unwilling to stand up for yourself.
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Your MIL needs to sell her home and figure out what she needs to do for the next stage of her life. It might be best for her to go into AL near you.
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