MIL has been in same NH facility for 8 years - dementia - ST memory issues. She is mobile with W.Chair - dresses self- uses bathroom etc. herself- wandered into another Residents room (2 doors down - on the same side of the hall) - Res. is 60 yrs. old - non-dementia - had a stroke and has one leg that drags slightly. Resident slapped MIL. NH called to let us know. 2-days later I Rec'd call from NH that they are "concerned for MIL life" and want to move her (MIL) to 3rd floor. I then discovered that MIL had wandered into room again - and afterwards -other Res. came into MIL room & was found by staff wrapping tape around my MIL head and that she had told staff that she was going to "strangled her". No Staff had called myself or husband regarding this latest issue when it happened - in fact 3 days elapsed before we were informed. Other Res. has a history of anger-mngt issues. Multiple staff shared that they feel she should move not my MIL. I had just visited with NH the week before regarding moving MIL into double-room and it was agreed that it was important for her to stay in the same area and same floor that she is familiar with. I am at NH almost daily for the past 8 years and volunteer at church on Sunday - so know most of staff and residents. NH refused to tell us how they are addressing the issue with other resident - it is like they want to move and change everything about my MIL surroundings up on a floor where the majority of residents are not mobile at all. MIL quality of life will be impacted greatly if she is taken from the area that she knows and being mobile - on 1st floor - she knows the people and the area. It is like they just want the "problem" to go away and the easiest for them is to place MIL in an area where she will have limited interaction with cognitively functioning residents. I have been told multiple times and personally been aware of residents that wander and this was not an issue before other resident became violent and and threatening. Nurse on duty the day of the "taping" incident has been taking time off for the past 2 weeks when she has been scheduled to work - Other staff said that is very unusual and it happened right after incident - therefore we have not been able to get any clarification on type of tape that was used - location of tape on MIL head - if she was attempting to place around mouth and nose, etc. What are our options other than moving MIL to high-care floor and changing her entire surroundings?
I should stand your ground, then, ideally aiming for the other person to be relocated. It's not going to be a problem, is it though, if they meet in communal areas, with other people about?
I'm sorry for this trouble she's having, and for your worry about it. I remember a brief (thank goodness) phase when my great aunt confided in me about a horrible member of staff and how helpless I felt leaving her behind at the mercy of this woman (she was disgusting rather than threatening, but even so). How is your MIL now? Hope she's not still upset.
I agree that at first sight it seems completely unfair that MIL is threatened by someone else yet it is proposed that MIL should move and not the other person. And I also agree that it is undesirable to change MIL's surroundings, because of the almost inevitable disorientation; and undesirable for her to move to a less stimulating environment.
However. If being on the first floor makes it more likely that she could leave the building, for example, or if the problem resident's reaction is at the extreme end of a catalogue of complaints the NH is getting from several residents, then it could be that her current setting within the NH is no longer suitable for her - could that be part of it?
During that time a nicely dressed man came in to interview her. He identified himself as a representative of a local facility with which I was unfamiliar. I asked if he was going to accept her and if so, how soon, as the quicker she was gone the better - she was totally disruptive.
He asked about her - I don't remember the exact term but he was attempting to determine if she was violent, hostile, combative, etc. I thought for a moment that it might be a privacy violation for him to ask or me to say anything but decided I had no obligation to her. So I told him of her behavior. He said their facility wouldn't take anyone who was physically belligerent.
So apparently there is a facility that doesn't take people who act out.
(Rest of the story - she was so disruptive, hostile, loud, pulling back the curtain to peek over at me, accusing my guests and me of talking so loudly she couldn't sleep, on and on..... that I threatened to leave AMA if either of us wasn't moved. I eventually was moved that night.)
I assume the incidents weren't reported to law enforcement, but I'm wondering if the local authorities have been involved with the aggressive woman in the past.
It may seem unfair that your mom has to pay the price and move to a safer areas, but safety trumps fair. A Canadian news program recently uncovered shocking cases of repeated beatings and even murder frail elders in care, look after her needs first and raise H&LL later.