She went to the nursing home about a month ago. She has stage 4 lung cancer, but doing ok with that so far. She has dementia and hears a man singing to her, and sees people that aren't there. Every time I visit (several times per week), she insists I am going to take her home that day. How do I handle this? She was falling at home and getting hurt, so going back is not an option. She's so miserable and hates it there. She accuses the staff of shoving her (not true), etc.
Any time my Mom [98] asked about going back home, I would say "maybe next week" as her parents and siblings were busy this week. She accepted that.
I'd keep in mind that even if you took her home, she may still pack a bag and want to go to another home. Home is sometimes a place in their mind of comfort and not a physical location. I'm not aware of any way to prevent her from asking about it. Even if she accepts an explanation, she would likely forget and have to be reminded.
I wouldn't tell her she's not going home; thinking of returning might be all the hope she has to cling to right now.
Ask the facility's staff if there are any support group meetings for people dealing with cancer, and/or contact the local Gilda's Club to see if you can get some support for yourself. Ours has sub groups specifically for various cancers.