My mother recently lost her house and 95% of her belongings inside. The reason being in that she is involved in an online relationship scam and she gives this person every cent of her pension and asks others for money to give him as well. Many people who care for her have tried to convince her. Even through all of this loss, she won’t entertain the idea of ending the relationship because she is in love.
I still hope with these last turn of events, she will allow me to at least take control of her finances by having her pension checks deposited into a separate bank account that I manage to pay for new housing and any other bills. My concern is if she does let me take them over that he could convince her to stop letting me do so. At any point, she could change the bank for direct deposit. Then I am stuck trying to pay for her housing. This is a huge risk for my immediate family. My kids are still young, age 6 and 13. What can I do to get her basic needs met but protect my immediate family from losing our basic needs?
If you are not PoA and she won't assign you (or any other responsible adult) then you could pursue guardianship or conservatorship through the courts for the authority to manage her affairs. If you can't take this route then you will need to allow her financial ruin it to run it's course, being careful not to do anything financially between you and her that would disqualify her from Medicaid, because she will definitely need it if she goes completely broke. Please review the Medicaid qualifications for her state. Anything that looks like "gifting" of money can disqualify her. The Medicaid look-back period can be from 2.5 to 5 years, depending on her state.
You are not responsible for paying your mother's way thru life as she gives her pension away! Perhaps a stay in a homeless shelter will convince her that this online love interest is really a scam and SHE is the one suffering. Stop bailing her out and get her to the doctor for a cognitive evaluation asap!
Even Dr. Phil had major problems trying to convince the Mom or Dad, that this was all a scam. Check Dr. Phil's website to see when he will be having the next "catfishing scam" show on, and have your Mom watch it.. Of course, your Mom probably will say that isn't her case, the fellow is actually real.... [sigh].
Now that being said, you are not your mother's keeper, meaning you are not responsible to pay for any of her financial needs, or clean up any of her messes. She has made her choices and now unfortunately she has to live with the consequences. Your children are fairly young yet, which makes me believe your mom is younger as well. You have to look out for your family first. They should not have to suffer(financially) because of your mom's poor judgement. Mom can do what she wants to with her money, and you need to just step aside and let her figure it out. Hopefully she will see sooner than later, what this supposed relationship is really all about.
You need to tell your mother she is on her own. If she ends in a homeless shelter then that will be her own choice. You have no choice in the matter. While your Mom is of age and an adult considered to be competent she is free to do whatever she likes with her money.