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My mother recently lost her house and 95% of her belongings inside. The reason being in that she is involved in an online relationship scam and she gives this person every cent of her pension and asks others for money to give him as well. Many people who care for her have tried to convince her. Even through all of this loss, she won’t entertain the idea of ending the relationship because she is in love.


I still hope with these last turn of events, she will allow me to at least take control of her finances by having her pension checks deposited into a separate bank account that I manage to pay for new housing and any other bills. My concern is if she does let me take them over that he could convince her to stop letting me do so. At any point, she could change the bank for direct deposit. Then I am stuck trying to pay for her housing. This is a huge risk for my immediate family. My kids are still young, age 6 and 13. What can I do to get her basic needs met but protect my immediate family from losing our basic needs?

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If at all possible you need to get your mom to assign you as her durable PoA. Then make an appointment with her doctor (make up a therapeutic fib to get her there if necessary) and discretely pass the staff a note requesting a cognitive exam. If you are already her PoA then just get the cognitive exam done so you can engage your authority to protect her from herself.

If you are not PoA and she won't assign you (or any other responsible adult) then you could pursue guardianship or conservatorship through the courts for the authority to manage her affairs. If you can't take this route then you will need to allow her financial ruin it to run it's course, being careful not to do anything financially between you and her that would disqualify her from Medicaid, because she will definitely need it if she goes completely broke. Please review the Medicaid qualifications for her state. Anything that looks like "gifting" of money can disqualify her. The Medicaid look-back period can be from 2.5 to 5 years, depending on her state.
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Take away any way for her to communicate with the scammers. Take her phone and computer away. Intercept her postal mail. Make sure you know all about what checks she makes and credit card transactions.
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Has your mother been checked for dementia or Alzheimer's? Anyone who is now destitute and homeless after giving away all of their money and belongings isn't in their right mind. Hopefully her computer is among the 95% of belongings she's lost. Somehow I doubt it.

You are not responsible for paying your mother's way thru life as she gives her pension away! Perhaps a stay in a homeless shelter will convince her that this online love interest is really a scam and SHE is the one suffering. Stop bailing her out and get her to the doctor for a cognitive evaluation asap!
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Funtsk, if your Mom likes to watch Dr. Phil, he has had on the shows where numerous people had fallen for those "catfishing" scams. An adult child can talk until they are blue in the face and it would never register with the parents who is being scammed. Well, we are the kids, and what do we know :P

Even Dr. Phil had major problems trying to convince the Mom or Dad, that this was all a scam. Check Dr. Phil's website to see when he will be having the next "catfishing scam" show on, and have your Mom watch it.. Of course, your Mom probably will say that isn't her case, the fellow is actually real.... [sigh].
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First, protect yourself and your family. Don’t give her any money. As harsh as that may seem it will only help her to help the scam be perpetuated. Have you notified law enforcement or adult protection services to see if there’s any help available there? If there isn’t any help you can find, you’ll have to accept her poor decisions. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this
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This is so sad, yet a story we have heard over and over for many many years. It's sad and a shame that your mom doesn't see this relationship for what it really is, a scam. How do women (and men) get so desperate for love and attention, that they're willing to shell out their life's savings to someone they have never met in person, and in your mom's case lose their home? To me, it's beyond crazy. I pray I never get that desperate. (trust me I won't)

Now that being said, you are not your mother's keeper, meaning you are not responsible to pay for any of her financial needs, or clean up any of her messes. She has made her choices and now unfortunately she has to live with the consequences. Your children are fairly young yet, which makes me believe your mom is younger as well. You have to look out for your family first. They should not have to suffer(financially) because of your mom's poor judgement. Mom can do what she wants to with her money, and you need to just step aside and let her figure it out. Hopefully she will see sooner than later, what this supposed relationship is really all about.
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You are not responsible to pay for your mother's housing, and of course if you do so, then you will end as destitute as she is in your older years. It takes a life time of saving to be able to support yourself comfortably in old age.
You need to tell your mother she is on her own. If she ends in a homeless shelter then that will be her own choice. You have no choice in the matter. While your Mom is of age and an adult considered to be competent she is free to do whatever she likes with her money.
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