My two sisters and I have been working with our 96 year old mother and medical professionals to determine the best course of action going forward. My mom is facing a below knee amputation due to extremely poor circulation. Her foot is gangrenous and an immediate permanent decision has to be made. Either leg amputation or hospice. Mom has some dementia and lives in a long term care facility. Her over all is good with only high blood pressure. Mom was accepted by hospice but there is a lot of second guessing going on.
Jackie
I know this is a horrible decision to have to make. My parents were never given any option but amputation and there was talk of prosthetics and wheelchairs and normal life. None of that happened. Please have real hard discussions with the doctors about the reality of her prognosis if you make a decision to amputate. In my mother's case it only caused unnecessary pain.
I am so very sorry.
What would you want?
What are her chances of dying on the operating table?
Present your answers to your mom and see what she thinks.
My Dad is 96 and I think he is too old for an operation but I would ask my Dad what he wanted
She takes her mom to live with her son in another state. She flys with mom. They stay is a few days. Mom has an appointment with the new doctor. He says she needs surgery right away, We need to amputate the leg. No food, no water after midnight. Bring her in the morning.
They arrive on schedule: mom is around 86 years old. They need to prop mom for operation. Doctor says: she did not have anything to eat as we discussed: daughter says, well, mom was hungry, so I gave her a piece of dried toast.
Immediately, the doctor says, we need to cancel operation today.
The following morning, mom was in Heaven.
My friend was devastated. I said, no, your mom wanted to be with your dad. She is happy she didn't go through that operation. Thank God for the Dried Toast :)
Did you ask mom? 96 ?
Sometimes, it is not in our hands. It's not up to us.
In some cases pain meds don’t even work well enough to reduce the pain. The best they can do is dull it, take the edge off.
Years ago, I dated someone that had an amputation due to gangrene. He had a horrible motorcycle accident. His pain was horrific. The meds barely made a dent.
Years later, I had a terrible accident, not with a motorcycle, I was on a bicycle and I suffered a horrible open compound fracture. Same for me, meds hardly helped at all. When I asked my orthopedic surgeon about it, he said that meds would not remove the pain, it would only dull it. I did not have to have my arm removed like my former boyfriend. It was heartbreaking for him.
Wishing your family peace in making a very tough decision.
People are not trees.
This is your mom making a decision if she hasn't been declared incompetent (this is EXACTLY) how my grandma died at the age of 92, almost 50 years ago, btw).
Surgery carries great risk at that age. She may not make it off the table, or be greatly diminished mentally, not to mention physically.
There is only the least bad choice, and it is a hard one to make.
I sincerely hope that your mom’s remaining days are lived out as peacefully as possible. Hospice is the best choice.
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