I've been living with her for five years. She is a hoarder and refuses to let me clear the house of old clothes and other items she hoards. She is abusive to me both mentally and physically and I'm always having to walk on eggshells to get along with her but she enjoys her episodes she berates me for any money I ask for. I took early retirement and draw a small check, but most times I spend very little on myself and try to buy the cleaning and household and grocery with my check. She suffered a facial stroke last month and refused to go to doctor. She doesn't bathe properly and has eczema. She wants me to take care of banking, handbills and won't give me POA because she says I'm stupid all the time. She has pushed me, spit on me, slapped me, and has called police a couple of times and told them I was abusive to her and I was on drugs. I need help on this. She doesn't want to go to a nursing home and I'm willing to stay with her but she says she wants to die all the time and doesn't want to die alone. Need help I'm living in hell.
You do not have to put up with abuse. You are reaching out for help. I strongly urge you to follow the advice of the posters who say to leave this relationship.
Call a social worker or anyone else that can advise you on what to do. Call her doctor as well. Inform them of her behavior.
Sending you a bazillion hugs!
She is scared of losing independance... Get THE POA. Some courts have students who need "practice".. Find out if anyone can help you with a POA, or guardianship of adults.
Hygienically SHE CANNOT DO THIS HERSELF.. MAKE THE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT, AND STAY WITH HER...Tell doctor all that. Get her physical. Get her to doctor, get a baseline on her for the future. Make yourself known to her doctors. Are you the one and only taking care of her????
ARE YOU THE ONE AND ONLY....? If not, bring the other family members into this issue, let them know what you are going through.
Food? grocery store? Look up Meals on Wheels.. see if they can help if the store is too far....
Cleaning supplies? The can double... Cascade for dishwasher can be used on kitchen sinks. stove tops, bathtubs...
Cast Iron pans, lemons and salt..
Plan on buying chicken in bulk... Cook it up, cool it down. throw in refrigerator. Cut it up, debone it. separate stock from meat. Use meat for BBQ chick sanwiches, fettacini alfredo with cooked chicken, chicken soup, enchilada pie with bits of chicken, chicken salad sandwich. chicken stock, sip on the in the AM, kind of helps fill you up til lunch time.
Frozen fruit, chop it up and throw it in yogurt or oatmeal.....
Wants to die... When God decides, and if you keep acting this way MOM.. I will ask him for you, sooner than later, Ma... *sorry)
Slap me? ;Ouch Mom, should I call the police? 2 wrongs don't make a right mom. please stop....
Screaming? close the door and turn up the radio.
Call social services and ask for advise, and ask for guidance, and where to get actual physical help.
Ask her doctor for palliative care and hospice evlauation... That should actually work.;.....
Your mom treats you this way because you let her. I agree with others on here that you are co-depended and you are trying to get something from your mom that she just simply doesn't have or won't give to you. I know this is hard...believe me...my mother hates me and tried to verbally and emotionally abuse me when I moved in with her. I fought back..I didn't call her names, but I sure put her in her place and let her know I wasn't putting up with it. Had it continued, I would have moved out.
We teach people how to treat us.
Unfortunately, there are so many of us...to many that have mothers who are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.
Move out!!!
Hugs!!!
I know this is painful and it just sucks. Please read the advice and think long and hard because you really are letting someone break you:(
May God give you strength and courage to save yourself in the name of Jesus. Amen
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/when-is-it-okay-to-surrender-454361.htm
Stop trying to do the same thing over and over while getting abuse. Do something entirely different like leave for your own preservation which is not selfish, but is self defense. Look up Fear, Obligation and Guilt. See if you see yourself as being in bondage to it? Your mother is not going to change. You didn't make her that way. You can't fix her and you for sure can't control her. Do put yourself on a healthier path and let her take responsibility for herself.
I wish you the best!
Call APS and if she physically attacks you again call 911 on her.
This is crazy, you appear to be very codependent and an enabler, there is no answer as long as your stay there, as both of you will continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result...it just doesn't work that way.
Stand up and be counted, take your life back, she needs to be placed somewhere, she is mentally unstable. Good Luck!
get out of there....your life probably depends on it.
To help your mother? You've been there five years, and how has her situation improved?
Nothing will get better until you step back, move out, sort your own life out, and then find help to support you in her care. You took early retirement - when? Are you still in touch with your former workplace?