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That’s messed up.

You say that this was a surprise for you - you and your mother never talked about what would happen to you after she passed away? How old was the will?

Even though you lived with your
mother - are you perhaps in a better financial situation than your sister?

As I said - this is messed up but could your mother have been thinking that she “did” for you by “allowing” you to live there for ten years - perhaps rent free - all
that time? Don’t get me wrong - this definitely isn’t my opinion - but I’ve read about situations such as that more than once, here on AC... The elderly parent seems to think that they are doing them a huge favor - by allowing the caregiving child to live in their house “rent free”. Regardless of the fact - that same child is their full time caregiver AND the only reason that the parent is able to remain living in their home. Messed up. Long time members here may remember JessieBell and how that was her mothers mind set. Whatever became of JessieBell, BTW?

Anyhoo - as others have mentioned, is it possible your mother was trying to put lipstick on a past riff with you sister?

Were you left anything or provided for in a prior action by your mother? Did she pay you anything for your caregiving sacrifices?

Just stabbing in the dark here. But it’s definitely messed up.

How do you handle it? I think a lot depends on your own needs now. What is your sisters take on all of this - is she willing to split the house? Can you afford to move out and live elsewhere on your own? Are you married - was there a husband living there with you? Can you afford an attorney to challenge the will? Is that even a winnable option?

Messed up. I’m sorry that this has happened to you - a bit of a slap in the face to thank you for taking care of your mother, isn’t it?

Hopefully, you can take a small measure of comfort in knowing that in spite of this nasty little surprise- that you were the better person. Better than your mother and better than your sister, in my opinion.
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keepingup Nov 2018
Thank you Rainmom. First, I always assumed the house was mine. Dumb, I guess. My sister never lived here. The "rent free" remark was made to me many times, though I paid maintence, phone, electric, wireless, bought almost all of her food, NEVER missed birthday or Christmas gifts. Just who she was. My sister is an RN two years from retirement, and has also vowed to retire as a millionaire. She is very happy with will. I don't want to be in same room with her. Don't like being angry with anyone.
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Sorry for the loss of your mother and now this unexpected and distressing development.

Many states allow a family member who moved in to provide elder care for at least two years to get the house regardless of any will. You need to see a lawyer ASAP.

As to what your mother may have been thinking... Do you have children? Was your mother somewhat estranged from your sister? I know of a couple of cases where one child was left out because they didn't have any children and the elder wanted property eventually passed down to grandchildren. In another instance, the parent felt guilty over a pass action with a child and left them more to relieve their guilt. Sometimes the caregiver becomes the focus of an elder's anger about declining health and aging, unfairly becoming the "cause" of their problems (at least in their minds) instead of the person getting them through it. In my state, the will isn't valid unless it mentions all potential heirs (spouses, children and even grandchildren (children of a child that died).
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needtowashhair Nov 2018
It's actually federal. But it's related to medicaid. It can't be for any family member it's for a child of the homeowner. It's called the child caregiver exemption. If a child moves in to provide care for someone that would otherwise be on medicaid for at least 2 years, at the time someone is accepted into medicaid, medicaid will waive any attempts of recovery against the house. Which is not the same as disregarding the will. It just takes medicaid out of the picture. That's what I'm thinking of. Are you thinking of something else?
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It is alarming especially if you’re not even mentioned in the will. I don’t understand your mother’s reasoning or if she fully understood. Is it possible you and your sister can sort it through? Otherwise you most likely need legal advise to determine if it is legitimate, can be contested or how to handle. These situations sure can split up the family. Sorry for your loss and hoping the best for you and your sister.
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keepingup Nov 2018
SingSong, my mother knew what she was doing, aware until almost the day she passed. My sister is very happy with the will, as I have said in this thread she's said many times she wanted to "retire a millionaire." Our attorney has always been Mr. Bowman, I am assuming I will retain a new one. What really bothers me is I have had MS for 9 years, house was modified, bars by bath, rails on stairs, etc. Little frightened.
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I share your surprise.

Leaving aside your unequal contributions to your mother's care, it is anyway unusual for one child to be excluded from a will that bequeaths an entire estate to the other.

Have you seen your mother's will?
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keepingup Nov 2018
Yes, only Amy Parcels is named for all assets. House, savings, annuities, jewelry (which I could care less about), even her car which she never drove! Our attorney, David Biwman, seemed a little shocked. He has only met me in fifteen years. My sister has a lovely home and husband, needs no help. I have talked to her, all she says is that what "mom" wanted. Not feeling very good about her right now. She knows what I did the last for it give years of my mother's life. After Hurricane Irma, Amy (my sister) called me to thank me for "saving my mother's life." Money erased memory, I guess. God bless all your helpful, kind answers.
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