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She will be 93 this January, she gets a little over $2,000.00 a month in Social Security and her monthly assisted living bill is close to $7,000.00 a month. I will pay the difference using my money. What should I do to get her SS deposit each month to help pay the bill? Should I open a checking account with my name and hers? Should I have her SS deposit then sent to that account in both of our names? Should I have her SS deposit sent directly to the Assisted Living facility?
My accountant says that once I start paying her rent I can list her as a dependent on my Income Tax. I live in Florida and she lives in Colorado.
Thank you for your assistance

JJJEETER: You should NEVER use your own financials to pay for your mother's care as you will need them for your own elder years. Your mother pays for her care, perhaps through Medicaid.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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asfastas1can Aug 1, 2024
Yes, I agree. When we, the caregivers (I am 75), get to the point we need to have the specialized care our parents are getting now, it will be far more expensive. We love our parents, but we also have a responsibility to ourselves and our own children who in all likelihood will be in our situation now. We must do our best to not burden our children and be as responsible as we can for ourselves. We can save and save, but we may (unless we are ultrawealthy) very easily outlive our own resources. If our parents have to give up some of the living conditions to which they have become accustomed, then so be it. My mother does not look forward to the day she may have to share a room in a skilled nursing care (she is now in AL but is very close to needing a place with more care), but that may be in her future. If so, she will run out of money more quickly if she has a private room. We all have to be responsible and practical and adapt to our situation to some extent, even if we are very old. I know I will not sacrifice my husband's future in his old age in order to keep my mother in the manner to which she thinks she needs. It sounds harsh, but we do our very best for our parents, but I also know that I do not want MY children to sacrifice THEIR futures for us. I think our parents, also, thought this about us. We are not abandoning them at all, but we need to draw the line on how much time and money we NEED to spend to accomplish what our parents may think they need to live comfortably and safely.
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Just go to bank with Mom, and add your name on her account, and order new checks. Keep the same checking account and number! You can pull from that account and add your extra funds every month.

You don't want to mess with her Social Security Direct Deposit.
You definitely want that tax deduction! Save all proof of what you paid directly from your money.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Jjeeter, I would encourage you to become a signer on her account. This would be the best way for you to access her funds.

I would also encourage you to NOT let the facility withdraw funds from any account, do a scheduled bank check or EFT that you have to do, not them.

The reason for not giving them access, if there is a problem or a move, you could be dealing with them taking money they are not owed.

I would require a bill monthly that breaks down the charges for tax purposes.

Your mom is very blessed to have you. May The Lord be with you both during this season of life.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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JJJEETER Jul 26, 2024
Thank you for your suggestion
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Instead of using your money to pay the difference could your momma qualify for Medicaid?
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Reply to akababy7
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JJJEETER Jul 22, 2024
Yes, she could apply for medicaid however she currently lives in a 3 room assisted living unit and loves it there. If they put her on Medicaid she would have to go into a one room unit. I don't want her to lose her current facility.
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Do not co mingle money. Are you able to afford paying the difference for a long period of time? I would not recommend doing that unless you can easily afford it.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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JJJEETER Jul 21, 2024
Yes, I am capable of paying her rent for the rest of her life. That is not an issue for me. My question is really about how to use her SS money to help pay the monthly rent.
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In a response below you mentioned that you are capable of paying for her AL rent of $7K "for the rest of her life"... but are you aware that that amount will increase as her needs and level of care do? If she needs MC or LTC it can go beyond $12K a month depending on where she lives.

I have an Aunt who is 105 and has no health problems or conditions except an eye issue, so nothing that's going to take her any time soon. Is there a lot of longevity on your Mom's side? You should consult with a financial planner to extrapolate cost scenarios if she lives to 100 or beyond.
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Reply to Geaton777
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JJJEETER Jul 21, 2024
Thanks, I believe that if she became incompetent that I could just let her go on Medicaid, but that would put her in a much smaller room. I guess if the cost increases that much I would just have to let her go on Medicaid.
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I know that this is slightly off-issue, however, it is quite important to take some steps now.

If your Mom is in reasonably sound mind and body, get her to add your name to her banking accounts, especially the one with Social Security and the one that any bills will be paid out of. If the bank accounts are in the name of a trust, ensure there is a successor trustee. Should your Mom become unable to sign her name to checks or authorize you (which I know is hard to believe), that joint ownership will allow you to pay her bills and accept money on her behalf.

If you are not a person who is authorized to see her Social Security information, do the appropriate paperwork or call in so that she can verbally make the authorization to authorize you permanently. A POA is not recognized by Social Security.

If your Mom becomes unable to talk or verbally authorize you in the future (due to dementia or any emergency situation), you will be incapable of accessing her funds or discussing her situation unless you are the co-owner or authorized to discuss her Medicare on her behalf.

With all the scams that are going on with the elderly, banks are and should be tightening up the rules as to who can access the elderly person's money. Once the person dies, it becomes even more uncertain unless a person has been given authorization by the owner, ahead of time.

My Mom passed at the end of December. She has a very simple estate with no question on who is going to get what. She owns a single piece of property, which is rented. In my state, we are waiting for the county to give us the authorization to go ahead with the division of her real estate, over 7 months later. Luckily, my Mom put my sister on her checking account, so HOA fees, property taxes, insurance, etc. can still be paid with authorization from my sister. My Mom had a CD which just renewed at nearly 0 percent, because her estate is not settled and she gave no one the authorization to liquidate the account so that it could earn higher interest at renewal time.

So I suggest that you do what other people have suggested: 1) add your name to her accounts as co-owner or POD and/or make sure you have a successor trustee named if anything is in the name of her trust 2) keep your money and her money separate 3) keep track of all the bills and who paid what. If she is going to go on Medicaid, you will need all that documentation for the application.
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Reply to ChoppedLiver
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JJJEETER Jul 26, 2024
Thanks so much.
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Start with SS to be sure you are doing everything legally. It is not as simple as adding your name to her account. If not done properly, having more than one name on an account can make both parties liable in the event of lawsuits or bankruptcy. Your mom is blessed to have you able to help, but life happens and at anytime she or you may have a personal catastrophe and be unable to pay. Doing it properly from the beginning will make it easier should she ever need medicaid or face another unforeseen financial event in the future.

Even with my husband and I having joint accounts, we went through the process to be sure I had access to his funds because he began to decline physically and cognitively. We decided to do it sooner rather than later because it was easier with him signing the application agreeing rather than needing SS to appoint me later.

Our credit union told us exactly how to set up a special checking account to receive his SS funds. Legally the funds have to be used for his benefit so I set up withdrawals for the mortgage, utilities, and other major monthly household expenses. When we begin to have out-of-pocket caregiving expenses, I will then substitute those expenses from that account. This way at any point I have to justify how his money was used, all I have to do is pull the statements for the account. We have joint accounts to keep other income and expenses totally separate.

Check out: https://www.ssa.gov/payee/faqrep.htm?tl=7%2C8%2C9%2C10%2C11%2C15%2C18%2C22%2C27%2C34
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Reply to KPWCSC
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Wow stop. Don’t use your money. Once she has depleted her funds there are many programs to fund her care. Medicaid is just one. Be thankful it is not your spouse where joint assets come into play.
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Reply to Sample
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I would never pay for a parent’s care out of my own money nor would my parent let me! You need to get her on Medicaid ASAP! You need your hard earned money for YOUR future!
First thing to do is you MUST get an elder law attorney! Boy, are they helpful and know all the ins and outs of the laws with regards to Medicaid, SS, investments and how to protect them, etc.
I give you credit in the kindness and sacrifice you’ve shown to take your life and devote it to your mother. But, you need to give that up and think of what will happen if YOU become incapacitated and need your money? Get an elder law attorney as soon as you can! Good luck to you!
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Reply to Katybr
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swmckeown76 Jul 26, 2024
My late widowed father was in assisted living for three years and in a nursing home for three more years. He received a pension from our late mother (she took a reduced benefit so he could get it if she died first and vice versa for his pension). He had a pension of his own and Social Security. His children got his house ready to sell and sold a number of his possessions (car, several antique cars, and firearms). All four of his children pledged to pay $50,000 each for his care so he wouldn't have to go on Medicaid (none of us were "rich") and it would have been a sacrifice, but we would all done this willingly. As it turned out, he could have still afforded another 1.5-2 years as a private-pay resident...and each of his children still inherited almost $50,000 each and split the proceeds of his small life insurance policy.
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