My mother has dementia, chronic congestive heart failure, acute congestive heart failure on top of chronic CHF, dem/alz w/personality distur. (She is under my court ordered guardianship) She signed herself out and left with somebody I do not know. Nurse on duty called me two days after the event to say, "your mother pulled a fast one." They placed an elopement bracelet on her, but have since removed it. I spoke to the facility admin who said, "let us do our own internal investigation." Go a call from the unit social worker who seemed to be in lah lah land. She said to me, "your mother doesn't have a copy of the guardianship order." I said WTF? It was delivered directly to her 1.5 years ago and caused a huge explosion of threats etc. Then the social worker said, "oh, well that was done by a different social worker who has since left." WTF!!!!! I said, "in no uncertain terms is my mother to leave the facility unless it is with me." Totally upset by this. Any insight?
I would contact State Ombudsman
I would contact local police in writing to let them know that your mother was abducted. If you are her guardian and she in a facility, it's the same as if a child was taken from a school.
I would make sure gps tracking device is on mom.
I would send certified letter to the faciliity, cc to Ombudsman. Stste attorney general and joint commission outlining the issue and asking what their plan is for remediation of the issue and its prevention.
Anyone could have taken her to the bank, opened an account-even as 'husband and wife' in a different name!
Please, at least do your own investigation.
Mom should obviously not have been allowed out, but she was. This was a serious mistake. Someone needs to own up to that, say "our investigation shows this is how the mistake happened" and, more importantly, "these are the steps we are taking to see that it doesn't happen again."
I don't think you'll ever find a place where a mistake absolutely never ever happens. This was a serious one, and the facility needs to take ownership of it. I'd give them a reasonable length of time to report back to you. And if the report is not satisfactory or somehow blames you that they misplaced the guardianship order, etc. I would certainly bring this to the attention of higher authorities, including the police.
A person in a secure memory unit should not be able to sign herself out, whether there are guardianship papers on file or not.
Please give up the idea that your mother snuck out-behaviors are no longer her fault-and look at this as a reportable offence, and protect her future safety.
You say you hate to call the cops in. You need to document this, and ask for a copy of the "incident report" by the facility. If there is none, that again is just another red red flag. Thankful that perhaps no harm came to your Mom does not protect her from future harm. Sorry you have to be the responsible one for your Mother. Sorry that her illness causes her to say things like, "You are not the boss of me!", but legally she is your charge-don't let her, or anyone, intimidate you!
Maybe you can plan a day off premises with her, see how that goes, if she is allowed. Would you need the docor's permission? Did this "man/stranger" need the doctor's permission? Find out what their policy is to have a patient leave the premises.
Or, you can just ignore the advice. Good luck to you and your Mom.
P.S. If it was my Mom, I would help her escape that place-in my dreams!
A crime may have been committed, and at this point you don't know. Assault on an elderly woman? Kidnapping for identity fraud purposes. Some kind of exploitation? Could be, the nurse's boyfriend, they have a plan?
Just anything could have happened. Go for help.
The local ombudsman can assist you with handling the followup to this as well as accompany you to meet with the facility staff. You do not need to feel alone. Finally, I would encourage you to not succumb to the feeling that all you do is write checks and act as an accountant. You are the PRIMARY advocate for your mother, and no one can do a better job of that than you. Do not let the staff bully, intimidate or discourage you from doing what you know is best for your mother. And based on your description of the staff at this facility, it may be in your mother's best interest to relocate to a facility that can show you the respect and compassion that she and you, as guardian and advocate, have the absolute right to receive.
May God bless.
My experiences:
My mother-n-law is 94, has dementia and lives in assisted living. Her eldest son and his new wife, visited her for a few hours (they live in CO - she lives in FL) took her from the facility and she signed several papers. They left that same day, didn't even spend the night. She started crying because she has no idea what she signed. The eldest son told her not to tell anyone he was there visiting. After that her other son, took her to an elder care attorney and her wishes were recorded so these new legal documents supersede whatever she signed.
My mother is 93, has Alzheimer's and lives with me. A few years ago when she lived alone - people from church took her to a lawyer. This man Mike kept telling her that he was going to help her stay in her house as long as possible. I found out that he had rental property. I looked him up on the county website and the deeds from his 3 houses were transferred to him on the death of the owner. My mom's house was going to be house number 4. I filed a police report. She trusted him, more than me.
There are people out there that prey on the elderly - even in nursing homes. When ever I tell people this story, they say it happens all the time.
Demand answers from the nursing home, call the police.
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