she has had every imaginable treatment, drug, and therapy, but all she wants to do is lay on the couch and when asked all she says is "I can't" and I won't". My dad is 81 and is in good health and is now care taking her completely because she refuses to do anything. I have tried my best to let my father understand he needs to change his behavior or my mother will remain in this state until one of them passes away...which will probably be my father. I used to be close to my parents, but since all this has transpired, the frustration and anger and pain throughout the course of 3 years has caused health issues for myself. I have stepped away completely from this situation because frankly, my parents have been together for 60 years and now I look at them as one dysfunctional unit. Any last ditch effort suggestions for the both of them? I really don't think my father will listen to anyone...so I guess I am just venting...I do suffer from guilt because I have chosen to not have any contact with them because nothing changes. We live in the Scottsdale Arizona area...any suggestions? Thank you.
They will only change when they are wanting to change. Take care of yourself and make sure that you are on healthy path.
Just cutting them off and abandoning them does not accomplish much. Be a loving, supportive person regardless of what they chose to do.
None of us lives a perfect life, or in total cooperation with another human being. At some point, your life choices might've seemed just as dysfunctional to your folks.
The previous suggestions are good; in particular try to step back, see them as friends and human beings, and enjoy them a little bit.
If your father doesn't want this to change, it won't. You can support him by taking him out to lunch or to a movie.
As for mom, what do her psychiatrists say about her intractable depression? They are having good results, I hear, with deep brain stimulation devices. Might she be eligible for a clinical trial? There are often combinations of meds that work sometimes, I'm assuming that has been tried.
Stepping back is probably best for your health, mental and otherwise.