My mother and I live in a 55+ community that will not allow children. My daughter has a young son and also has no place to take in my Mom. Both my Mom and my daughter are verbally abusing me and essentially making the caregiving situation very difficult. The house is owned by both my Mom and me. I would not approach the Association for special consideration because I don't want her living with me anyway. As half owner of this house, can my daughter force her way in here with a Court Order? Can I admit my Mom to an assisted living center if she doesn't want to go?
While my heart goes out to both of them, I also believe quite firmly that no one should allow themselves to be abused, whether the abusor is a vicous enemy or an ill relative. First, protect yourself. Carry your cell phone at all times. If either woman becomes physical with you again, dial 911. Sorry, but domestic violence is no less dangerous than stranger violence in a seculded park area. I love my husband who has dementia with all my heart and soul, but if the disease caused him to become violent, I would call 911. The same goes for another relative who is bipolar. I love him, I understand his lack of self control, but I will not take abuse from him.
It would be very sad to lose contact with your grandson. But how valuable is it to have the boy see his mother and his great grand mother belittle and abuse you? What kind of a meaningful relationship will that build? And there is always hope that if your daughter is ill she will at some point seek help and perhaps your relationship could be restored.
Aside from the rules against minors, is your house big enough to accomodate 4 people? Would the association allow 4 adults to live there, or are there rules about how many may occupy each unit? How many bedrooms do you have?
Where are your daughter and her son living now?
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This is certainly a complicated and painful mess.