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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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2chicken? I'm an only child and caregiver for my mom. My problem is bring up important papers for ....if something, or ....when something happens, what her wishes should be! Starting with Health, then her house, car , bank accounts, annuities, etc.. I know there's papers for all this, but where do I start?
One of my clients' daughters got her mother to agree to me coming by saying I was a friend who had lost a job. She became MY helper, in that way, and it saved her dignity. I don't know if this little deception would work, but it's an idea. That small twist in the situation might do the trick.
2Tired: How old are you. I'm 63 and not getting any younger. My dad lives with us due to stroke. Give us a little more info about you. Do you have a job? What is your life like. You said the house in now in your name. More info would be helpful.
Being a caregiver is one of the hardest things to do. You love the person dearly, but as they become more dependent, it gets more frustrating and time consuming. It gets difficult to stay in good spirits about helping out. Don't neglect your own needs. You MUST take care of yourself in order to care for them. It's like the airplane oxygen scenario-- how can you help others if you don't have your oxygen mask on first? If she refuses to let strangers in the house, can you rely on other people within your network that she recognizes? Your siblings, long-time neighbor, church volunteers, grandkids, etc? Even if someone else could stop in for 3 hours, twice a week, it'd give you the time to recharge and get out of the house. Consider making a schedule with all available relatives to take shifts at the house. We are currently doing that with my grandmother. Several relatives have made up a monthly schedule and rotate between morning, afternoon, evening, etc. If there isn't a support system of people your mother knows, you'll simply have to seek professional help from venues like home health agencies, Senior Companionship programs (like those with Catholic Charities), nursing agencies or eventually hospice care in the home. Getting help from family or professionally will benefit not only your health and sanity, but help your relationship with your mother in the long run. You'll more likely enjoy the time you have together, instead of slowly growing to resent her for consuming your life.
Dear Tired: I am in my moms home 24/7. She has dementia, but that doesnt make it that easy either. She is very spoiled and i wait on her all day. The only thing that keeps me going is that the next stop is AL. We are seeing the attorney about the money arrangements next. Does your mom pay you? When we had a problem once about money, i told her i would have to quit and get a job to pay my bills. That worked pretty well. Can you get a dr to write a note saying you are taking on too much? I guess all that remains as jeannegibbs says is to appeal to her motherly attributes. If one of my girls sincerely or tearfully told me she couldnt do all the work, i would gladly get someone else. Gosh, the only things i can think of beside these are illegal LOL! I am tired too. Good luck to you. Thinking of you Tired. Hugs. tonio
Tired: I think you need to tell your mom that you are tired and lonely. You need time away from the house and responsibilities in order to be happy. I hope you can explain that and I hope she will listen. At your age, your needs are different than hers, yet just a valid. Try to approach it from a point of your needs. At the same time, let her know that you care about her too.
You need some respite care; and you deserve a life. Matuse and Jeanne had some good advice. Maybe, since she is sharp mentally you could do some of the things Jeanne suggested. I was told by professionals that even telling lies, which they refer to as (fiblets) are necessary in certain situations in order to get through to the person. Just a suggestion; even if you tell her you have some health problems and need help - would she be sympathetic? Sometimes they can surprise us.
The stress from 24/7 can cause you to develop stress induced health issues and you don't want that to happen, if it hasn't already. Hugs to you.
Well, unfortunately I am here 24/7 This has also been my home for five years, and it is now in my name. I wanted some suggestions from people who may be in a similar situation. Matuse you seem to be in a similar situation. Luckily Mom does not have dementia. Unfortunately, that is one of the problems. She is sharp as a tack!
You cannot control your Mother's behavior. You can control your own.
"Mother, I will not be doing the laundry and housecleaning here anymore. I will help you find a reliable homemaker to do those things."
"Mother, I can't be here more than 2 hours a day anymore. I will help you find an aid to come in some additional hours."
She'll say she doesn't want an aid or a homemaker. "But someone has to do those things, and it can no longer be me. Who is going to do your laundry when I stop, next month?"
Would bringing in an objective professional for Social Services to explain options to her help?
I am very sympathetic to your mother not wanting strangers in her house. It is very sad that she cannot have what she wants in that regard. It is sad that she cannot do her own laundry and cleaning and shopping and errands and on and on. But it is reality. And expecting you to do everything that she can no longer do is just not realistic.
I am putting this pretty harshly and I'm sure you would put it in sensitive, caring terms. But the bottom line is you cannot do 24/7 care and she needs 24/7 care. Some other arrangements have to be made.
Dear 2TiredinFlorida, I certainly can understand an identify with your problem. We recently had to let a caregiver go because my mom threw a fit and refused to let her continue on in her role. We're going to try again sometimes next week and this time have her in on the interview process. I don't know if this will help because my mom has dementia and as a consequence of her disease cannot remember day to day events. Still we feel if we try and include her in the process it might help. Hopefully your mom does not have dementia and perhaps she would be more accepting of home health care or comfort care help if she were included in the hiring process. Good luck! And good vibes going your way.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Cattails
I am in my moms home 24/7. She has dementia, but that doesnt make it that easy either. She is very spoiled and i wait on her all day. The only thing that keeps me going is that the next stop is AL. We are seeing the attorney about the money arrangements next. Does your mom pay you? When we had a problem once about money, i told her i would have to quit and get a job to pay my bills. That worked pretty well. Can you get a dr to write a note saying you are taking on too much? I guess all that remains as jeannegibbs says is to appeal to her motherly attributes. If one of my girls sincerely or tearfully told me she couldnt do all the work, i would gladly get someone else. Gosh, the only things i can think of beside these are illegal LOL! I am tired too. Good luck to you. Thinking of you Tired. Hugs. tonio
Good luck,
The stress from 24/7 can cause you to develop stress induced health issues and you don't want that to happen, if it hasn't already. Hugs to you.
"Mother, I will not be doing the laundry and housecleaning here anymore. I will help you find a reliable homemaker to do those things."
"Mother, I can't be here more than 2 hours a day anymore. I will help you find an aid to come in some additional hours."
She'll say she doesn't want an aid or a homemaker. "But someone has to do those things, and it can no longer be me. Who is going to do your laundry when I stop, next month?"
Would bringing in an objective professional for Social Services to explain options to her help?
I am very sympathetic to your mother not wanting strangers in her house. It is very sad that she cannot have what she wants in that regard. It is sad that she cannot do her own laundry and cleaning and shopping and errands and on and on. But it is reality. And expecting you to do everything that she can no longer do is just not realistic.
I am putting this pretty harshly and I'm sure you would put it in sensitive, caring terms. But the bottom line is you cannot do 24/7 care and she needs 24/7 care. Some other arrangements have to be made.