My mother has early dementia, but is high functioning. She enjoys buying and wearing nice clothes. She has always has always worn… and continues to wear…heavy makeup and tons of jewelry. She wore wigs for years until recently. She recently let her hair go gray (the color is really pretty!) Her hair is parted in the middle. She only combs the front. Her hairdresser of 18 years tried to talk her out of this “style.” My mother thinks it looks so good. Her friends have even offered to help her with her hair… trim it… style it. She refuses. She can afford to get her hair done every week, but refuses. I understand a person should wear what they want, etc… However, people stare at her in public and I think she would be mortified if she realized how pitiful she actually looks. I’m thinking about buying her a gray wig…she used to enjoy not bothering with her hair and loved the flexibility of wearing wigs. However, she has narcissistic tendencies and she might become angry. Any thoughts? I’m prepared to be attacked by a few posters! The comments from her friends and the stares in public are heartbreaking to hear/observe. She’s even been referred to as looking like a “witch.”
The trouble is, hair is such a personal and emotionally intimate thing. I'm really not sure about showing her photos - you might cut her to the heart.
If she won't talk to you about *why* she doesn't want to see the hairdresser these days (hair loss (or fear of hair loss)? discomfort? apathy? money saving obsession? fear of looking in mirrors?) you might just have to let it go. Save your concern for glaring at people who are so bad-mannered as to stare and/or make uncalled-for personal remarks.
Her younger self would be mortified by her appearance. There are so many other battles that I let this one go. It just isn't worth it.
Try it.........see what happens!! I think she may be shocked at how wild her hair looks and then be open to a new do!
What worked is that she had to have an EEG in the hospital; they needed to wash her hair afterwards and although mom said "no" to a haircut (I knew she was simply being cheap, ahem, frugal) I said yes, go ahead.
The lady did a fabulous job and mom was amazed at how good she looked.
Can you try some trickery?
I highly recommend a stiff boar bristle brush and a detangler wide tooth comb. I have really long, fine hair, tangles easy and these work great. The boar bristle also moves oil from the scalp to the hair, helps if you don't wash every day.
Have you asked her to let you play with her hair? My niece was tasked with getting her 4 siblings out the door for school at 9 years old, she didn't have time to do her own hair and when I picked her up I had to cut her hair it was so matted. Your mom's hair could be beyond brushing and need a good cut.
I am very sorry that people are saying unkind things about her. She doesn't deserve that disrespect. It shows how low our society has become. I would be tempted to say that she was and they better apologize quickly or she would cast a spell on them. Grrrr!
Have you taken photos of her from the back? If so does she realize it is her? (Often with dementia there can be a failure to recognize "self" in a photo or mirror.)
But if you take the picture and she does recognize that it is her it might help.
I have a friend that has her hair cut, I call it the "medium bowl" cut. I and others have tried to tell her that it is not flattering and she should try something else but we have been trying for about 6 years now and she may have gone to a "small bowl" cut then back to the "medium bowl" so...I am not wasting time on it it's her head, her hair..... (I am sure she could pick apart my hair "style" if she wished but doesn't and for that I am thankful)