Mom’s scheduled to move into her AL apt. at the end of April. How do we approach the actual moving day?

Mom was living with me when I placed her. Have ur Mom come to your home with an aide or have the aide take her someplace for a little while but do not let her see you moving things out of her house. Have enough people helping. My DH and brother are 2 big men so lots of help with the heavy stuff. I would not give her a choice. No nick nacks worth any money. I took the twin bed Mom had here. I took her dresser only because she had two small closets so I hung up most of her clothes. No room for a side table with the bed but if u have room take one. We took her recliner so I did grab a side table for that. A table to hold her TV and a small bookcase I had. There wasn't much room for another chair so I took 2 folding chairs for company. There was a kitchenette. I chose not to bring anything breakable. So got some nice paper plates and disposable utensils and cups. Paper towels too. Moms dementia was pretty far along so I had the microwave removed. I put water and stuff in the fridge.

I arranged the room as much like the one here as I could. I took nothing of value. We told Mom she was moving to an apartment where she would meet new friends. We showed her the room. Its been almost 7 yrs, but I think we walked her around ending up in the Common area. Sat a little while and then told her that we needed to go. This way an aide was nearby and other people.

I am not for that leaving them for a few days with no contact. I visited but didn't last long. Mom needs to adjust to the aides doing for her. I was lucky my Mom adjusted well.

I would involve her as little as possible, telling her she is being temporarily relocated because (some sort of work) needs to take place in the home she was in (like bug extermination, mold mitigation, gas leak - whatever you think will work). Have one of her companions distract her for the day as you set up her new digs to look as similar as possible (which will be challenging since it is probably a much smaller space). I would not let her go back into the house when her things are removed as this may unsettle her. Keep the rest of her things for a little while and as she settles in you can bring or remove items. It's a work in process.

FYI by your description it is very possible she will need MC sooner rather than later, and that will be yet another transition and maybe an even smaller space. Be prepared to discuss anxiety meds with her doctor as an option should she need help with that. Dementia robs people of their ability to sooth themselves through logic and reason (and memory), so they often need help with this.

I wish you much success in helping her transition as smoothly as possible.

Wow, first I'd like to address your comment - "She has many only child tendencies; is selfish and narcissistic and adamant about not “sharing her space”.

So many of us on this board are "only children" and I can tell you - we have given up our lives/rooms in our homes, etc. to help our parents, and your "selfish" and "narcissistic" is by far the RUDEST comment I've ever heard on here.

With that said, my approach would be to think positive and to realize that your Mom is very, very fortunate to be able to afford Assisted Living and to embrace the concept, as it is a wonderful way of life and will help her immensely and will keep her safe.
It is a dream for many, unachievable by most.

I would be present when the movers are there and be positive while she is settling in. Helping her put her things away, etc..

So, I'd promote a happy, upbeat positive attitude during her transition. Point out all the great things about her new lifestyle and location.

Sincerely, one of the many non-narcissistic, and non-selfish "only child" - who is/has devoted their lives to providing loving care to one or both of their parents in their time of need.

I think a good idea is to have the right assortment of furniture in the space already, and then allow her to direct you where she wants it put. You can also have photos, etc, maybe some knickknacks there, and let her say "no, put that on the bedside table" or "that lamp needs to be on the bureau." Basically, give her some control, but in a prepared environment so she (and you, are not overwhelmed). It can also be nice to do a little shopping before the move, ideally with her. Let her pick out a new bedspread or towels. The goal is to make this move as seamless as possible and be upbeat and point out the positives as much as you can.