Hi everyone, I am sorry if this question has already been asked but I am quite worried about my mum. Mum is 64 and in the last 2 to 3 years her behaviour and short term memory have declined. She has had depression for over ten years and has had a major family break down in 2015 that has affected her even more. Apart from bouts of sadness, crying and highly emotional moods mum has also had short term memory lapses. For example she forgets where she bought something, what she has gifted to dad for Christmas (yesterday), what date an event has occurred. She misplaces things a few times a week but eventually finds them (this didn’t happen as often before). She gets confused easily and a couple of times seemed disorientated in a shopping centre she has been going to for a long time. She remembers things once prompted or given more time to think. She still cooks every day, does all house chores, manages grocery shopping and spending. She has good days and then bad days where she just can’t remember if I told her something yesterday or day before.
Mum has been in an emotionally abusive relationship all her life, she has not had a long term career and has devoted her life to raising 3 kids. She has a few friends, but doesn’t interact with them regularly. She also doesn’t engage in any intellectual conversations, just has no interest in many things. She has always been like this. She takes care of herself, grooming and hygiene wise.
I am very close to both mum and dad and have taken care of them for over a decade now as their English is poor. I am super anxious about anything to do with mum and dad, constantly worried that they are not well or need my help. The three of us have survived 4 years of a civil war together, so my attachment to them is stronger than normal parent-adult child relationships.
I have taken mum to a memory clinic in May 2017 and she wasn’t diagnosed with dementia, but the report notes she has depression, that she scored low in the memory test and that she couldn’t do the clock test. I am concerned she has early symptoms of dementia that weren’t picked up on because mum was crying during the memory clinic tests. She is aware of her memory issues and is afraid that she is going to lose all her memory. What do I do? Should I take her for another test? Her doctor doesn’t think she has dementia and believe it’s her high blood pressure, depression and ageing. Am I over thinking this or should I follow my gut feeling telling me something is not right?
I will tell you part of my own story. It might help if you read it to mum.
I am 72/3 and forget things. It seems to come in sections. I am 'alright' for ages and ages. Then I have, what I call 'A BAD WORD WEEK/DAY' (usually about a week.)
I know that I do know the words but I just cannot get to them in my mind. I have got into the habit of telling anyone I am speaking to that it is a BAD WORD time. Then I laugh. It makes them not feel as embarrassed, when I do what I do. I describe the item I cannot remember the name of (or person) For example teabags. = those round things in the tin we make drinks from. lol We usually figure it out.
I am on BP tablets too (and a few others for various things) I didn't have a good life either, but no where near what you and your family went through (Have a hug from me for that) All of you EXCEPT your dad. Bullies don't get one. (My dad was a bully too and an alcoholic)
I have so much stuff to try and remember, I keep a small pad and pen with me at all times. As something crops up, I write it down. Like I do with the shopping list. As we use it so it goes on my list to replace it. All birthday and special occasions are written on the calendar. Every year.
Over the years, I have done a lot, learned a lot, seen a lot. Now think of my brain as a filing cabinet. The things I am doing regularly and need to utilise the most are in the top draw, so I can get to them easily. Everything else gets filed in the lower drawers. I can get to them but it might take longer. lol
This was just a snippet from my on-going saga. I do hope that any of what I said might help.
Take care and more hugs for the 2 of you.
I dont understand how integral the clock is to the overall result. The report states she had difficulty drawing it but that this result should be interpreted with caution as she was crying throughout her whole test. Mum has always been a highly emotional person, unfortunatelly I got that from her too! To be honest, I think that she has hit a point in her life at which she realised a few things that are hard to face (being married to wrong person for 43 yrs and a number of others).
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I am not coping at the moment so telling someone what is going on helps me. I am finding it very hard to accept that mum isnt what she was like a few years ago and I generally find it hard to accept that both mum and dad are ageing. It sounds ridicilous as I am 30yrs old, but I really struggle to just accept it. I am not sleeping well and often just cry. Mum and dad have had a really hard life, not just the war but also moving to Australia in their 50s, after they lost absolutely everything they worked for. Its incredibly hard to start a life from scratch at this age, with 1 suitcase being your only posession. I have a great career now and I expect to support them until the last moment of their lives. I just want them to be healthy for as long as possible. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to take care of them and give back to them for bringing me here and giving me an amazing future.
I'm more concerned about your mom's overall medical state - the high blood pressure can lead to a lot of bad consequences, including some forms of dementia. So she needs to stay on her medications and try to eat healthily (very low-fat, few animal products if any) to keep her arteries clear. She's awfully young to be experiencing these kinds of issues, but she's also lived through some horrific situations that could account for some of her problems. Has she gone through menopause? That can also wreak havoc on one's memory.
You're a wonderful daughter for trying to help both of your folks.
The only choices you have control over are yours. You may have wait until mom has a fall or some other disastrous event that ends her up in a hospital where perhaps she'll be seen as someone who needs a higher level of care. She might then be sent to rehab, or to a psychiatric hospital to get her meds sorted out.
Rather than worry "just" about her memory, I would worry about mom's general mental health. Concentrate on that for the moment.