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I’m his daughter and caregiver. This is getting to be too much for me. He’s already inappropriate around my daughter’s friends, service people, ogles women, blankly stares at lovers, etc. He called up a woman he knew from 25 years ago and they meet for sex. She leads him on even though I told her he’s bipolar and has Alzheimer’s. She’s 77 and also a widow, but she is mentally and physically fit. He’s really deteriorated since he met her (about three months ago), the mania, not being able to sleep or eat, being secretive, telling her lies about himself to either build himself up or make her feel sorry for him, humming, hand ringing, hiccuping, wandering, not focused, always losing things that are literally under his nose, spatial reference is off, senses are off, doesn’t dress properly, etc. I’m already exhausted and feel overwhelmed, and I know it’s only going to get worse. The doctors are helping to try and balance his meds, but this woman is making things more complicated. My dad is a like a slow moving train wreck and I’m miserable. Help!

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Its time to get him meds to help with this problem. Its also time to get him out of your home. If he has money maybe an AL but I doubt if they would except someone with his behaviour. So its a nice LTC. If no money, Medicaid can be applied for.

I know he may not be able to control himself but do you really think your daughter should help care for her grandfather? I think at this point your relationship with her is more important than ur Dad. She probably doesn't look forward to coming home. These elderly are stronger than you think they are. What if he attacks u or her.
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that man STOLE my life .
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I read your deeper profile that your daughter is away at college. That's a relief! She doesn't want to come around to help with her grandfather, plus trying to live her own life. I'm sorry, but I don't blame her one bit.

You've tolerated A LOT in helping with your father, but it's time for him to have round-the-clock care and for you to return to a life. I'm sorry!
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So you quit your job, sold your house and moved back home to take care of your father? Your profile says that he lives in your home -- does that mean that you moved him in with you, and that there is still a house that he owns? (You wrote about still taking care of his property.) What is his financial situation?

Do you have siblings? If so, then why was this dumped on you? (Or why did you take it on?) Does your father pay you? Why did you give up your job and earning money for retirement, SS credits, etc.? If your father is only (yes, only) 80, this could go on for years. What's the plan for worsening of his Alzheimer's? Surely you don't expect to keep him living with you indefinitely? Don't you deserve better?

Time for your father to go to a facility.
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What? Where does it say she has a young daughter? Her profile says there is a 19 year old in college.

Just shut the door.

We may have a troll, I suspect.
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Ahmijoy Nov 2019
She doesn’t say “young”, she just says “daughter” who entertains her friends at her home and also says Dad is inappropriate around them. It doesn’t really matter how old or young the daughter is. Sexual harassment, as we’ve all seen, knows no age. If OP is aware that Dad is an exhibitionist and he has a reputation for inappropriate sexual behavior and she does not address it, she could still wind up in court if she has responsibility for him or simply because he lives in her home.
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He needs to be placed in a home, this is totally unacceptable, your children should not be exposed (pardon the pun) to his crazy self. If your children are minors, one of their friends could report him and you to CPS and that will not end good, someone will have to be removed from the home possibly the children.

Stop the insanity, find a AL or MC for him.
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I would slam the door as I was telling him that his behavior is beyond unacceptable.

He needs to live somewhere else, whatever his problems are, he should not be around young females. I would be calling the police if it was my daughter at your house and he said or did anything inappropriate and I would probably hope you went to jail as well because you didn't protect the kids. Sorry.
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Ahmijoy Nov 2019
I was going to suggest just shutting the door as well, but if he’s suffering from exhibitionism, he can easily open the door, come out into the main house and continue his inappropriate behavior. It’s an attention grab as well as a mental health issue.
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I agree with the others that it's time to get your father placed in a facility, the sooner the better. In the meantime, here is medication a doctor can prescribe for ISB...Inappropriate Sexual Behavior. Enough is enough.
Best of luck
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Does he live in your home?

How old is your daughter? If she is a minor then this is not a safe environment for her and he needs to be out of there ASAP. You may not think he’d actually do something terrible, but it’s obvious he is not in his right mind. Majority of sexual assaults to those under 18 are done by a family member or someone the victim already knows.

She deserves to be safe in your home and not be subjected to this behavior. Intentional or not doesn’t matter. Your kid comes first. You do not have the luxury of time for meds to maybe fix the issue.

Even If he doesn’t live at your house,
keep your daughter and her friends the hell AWAY from him!

Can you contact this woman and ask her to leave him alone? Doesn’t sound like he needs to be driving either, to meet her or for any other reason. Also keep in mind that even adults in their 70s on up can still get diseases like syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea.
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Because you have a female child in your home, it’s time to make alternative arrangements for your father where he can do whatever he wants with whomever and whatever he wants. If you don’t have Power of Attorney, you may have to apply for guardianship to protect any assets he may have from this woman. Find a suitable place for him and take your life back and protect your daughter. If her friends tell their parents what they saw or experienced at your home, it may not go well for you.
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LoopyLoo Nov 2019
Yes! If I were a parent of the daughter’s friends I would raise absolute holy hell.
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