My 81 yr old father living in an indep living apt. w/ moderate dementia seems to have "moved in" w/ female res in same condition. Help! He met her 10 days ago and they hit it off. I don't know if he thinks they are married (both have lost a spouse in last 2-3 years). He never would have considered such a thing even a year ago. He has fear at night and wanders halls, but seems to have stopped since with her. Don't know what to do. Do I try to have him stay in his apt.? make him understand he isn't married? have talked to her family and they are letting things stand for now. Both elders seem happier. Had seen problems with living situation and began checking out assisted living before this happened. Now will have problem getting him to move. Do I force it?
i would just hang on to his apt just in case he has to move back in it one day . that way he wont lose his home .
i know a lady that fell in love with a guy across the hall . he made her happy and she acted like high school girl . gigling and all . lasted few years /
then he passed away , broke her heart , dang it .
as long as theyre happy no need to try mess that up . but when it comes to marraige yeah we gotta try to stop that cuz it messes everything up .
I think it is great that two 80 year olds can have a romance, however in this case there were some warning signs that dementia might be setting in, with his being verbally abuse with her. They never really moved in with each other, however she did many times stay overnight with him in his apartment and they slept in the same bed together. However, this was cut off when he had to go on assisted living and then to the nursing home. They claimed that I was the one that was in the way keeping them from getting married, but I needed to be there to care for mom, since she was not willing to accept care from anyone else except me. In this case, there wasn't much I could do, once I saw what was really going on when I came to take care of my mom, as their romance was already in full swing. Just be careful, make sure there is no verbal or physical abuse going on and that they are both willing to accept care if their mental or physical condition worsens. In my case, neither one of them was willing to accept outside help, they both wanted to keep their independence to the point that it might endanger them. Be careful about the marriage idea, because then the finances get combined and if either one of them ends up in a nursing home, they will wipe each other out. Mom would have been wiped out financially if they had gotten married before he went into the nursing home.
You know your Dad better than anyone. Check it out and go with your instinct by doing whatever is your best judgment call on behalf of your Dad. Good luck with outcomes. I hope your Dad continues to feel happy and safe.
Have there been any safety or other issues with his new companion that you know of? May be worth fact-finding to be on the safe side. Last thing your Dad needs is drama down the road.
And just on the very whisical and practical side, his new friend cannot get pregnant, so that's one less thing to worry about!
I bet they'll be good for each other and support each other through the scary parts of the future.
lovbob