My 86-year-old boyfriend of 40 years with dementia is in a nursing home. His kids want me to take him home to my house. What do I do?

OMG no!! My 14 year live in partners kids wanted me to become the caregiver after his massive heart attack…..I said..no. I had issues of my own, was still employed and had an aging mom. I helped him when he was healthy enough in our home. He went on to live with a sister then a small apartment. He died 5 yrs later. We kept in touch. I had no guilt! Ps: he was 80.

Absolutely Not! They are selfish in asking you to do this. You should have no guilt. THEY should feel guilty not taking their father in. If you take him in, are they giving you funds? Help? PLEASE do not do this.

Just tell his children that you are elderly yourself and cannot take care of him. If they think taking care of him is such an easy thing to do...let them do it.

Even if you were married, I would suggest placing him. I am sure he would appreciate you staying involved to make sure he is being appropriately cared for, but you can't shoulder this on your own.

Its been a week. Becca have you gotten across to the kids that you cannot take him into your home?

beccalevin By now you probably see you have a lot of support for saying NO, NO WAY!!! His kids will not help you, and the rest of your life will be nothing but poop, pee, vomit, boogers, and an endless supply of blank stares.
How do I know? I'm living it. Don't take this on unless you want to ruin your health.

The original writer, beccalevin, hasn't been back to answer any of our questions since the day she wrote this question back in September.

NO, NO & NO!!!!
you have done enough. By all circumstances, let him be released to someone else. If you take him, you will assume ALL responsibilities Forever. This is not your husband.
Good luck.

You can continue to be a loving friend. Not his caregiver. You did that already. His needs increased. So have yours. End of discussion.

No, No, No. Do not move him to your home. You are planning to move yourself and that in and of itself, is so very stressful. I did that in June. We had to sell our home of 30 years because neither of us could afford or manage to keep it up. My husband is 87 and unable to get out of bed now. He is incontinent and unable to sit up and eat. I have to do everything and it really takes a toll on me, physically and emotionally. Our children (except one) do not help at all.

2nd. It will only get more difficult to be his caretaker. I am taking care of my husband of 50 years and it is a full time job. One of which I wasn't prepared for. I am fortunate in that I have outside help with Senior Services and Medicare home providers through his insurance. You don't have that luxury as you stated his Medicare benefits are very limited now.

3rd. I/we had to move out of our home (lived in for over 30 years) and I had to be the one to find a way to get things done all alone. Since his children have not been very helpful it will be up to you.

4th. You will have no time for yourself which is still very important. When and if you go out, he may accuse you of seeing other people. He may blame you for leaving him alone. You may have to defend your actions because he may not believe you.

I'm just sharing this with you as it's happened to me.

Good luck and prayers to help guide your decision.