My 86-year-old mother has severe hearing loss and is refusing to wear the hearing aid we just got. Any advice?

Much like never hearing a senior say they loved long term care I have never heard one say they love their hearing aids. So you are dealing with both the fact there is short term memory loss and some loss of cognition as well as the general "unloveability" of hearing aids. They are at worst junk that shriek in the ear and make some tones unbearably high and some not heard at all, some good for close to you and some for far away. The best and most expensive new ones can be adjusted by you using your cell phone. How many do you know old enough to have severe hearing loss but still able to play with this stuff on their iphone? Not many. My 82 year old partner does, but it isn't worth repeating the swearing AS he does. He is down to wearing his for TV time only.
It still falls in it is what it is territory I am afraid and know of folks who have spent thousands and thousands looking for the "right" one. Even the cochlear implants require tremendous brain adaptation and adjustment.
Wish you luck, but not placing bets that any of this will work.

I don't see any other posts by you, and this is your profile: "I have been living with my mother for about 6 years to take care of her 24/7 and I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am not trained in care giving and I do not know how to deal with the behavioral obstacles that are becoming an issue."

This is just the latest of many challenges, yes? How did it happen that you became the one to move in with your mother to become her fulltime caregiver?

What is your mother's financial situation? If she needs a fulltime caregiver, can she afford a facility? If not, could she qualify for Medicaid?

Please tell us more.

Hearing aids are very hard to get accustomed to. My mom had a terrible time, but she did get used to them. However, she went in the hospital for about 10 days without them, and when she came out, she refused to ever wear them again, and that was that.

It's crucial, though, that they're properly fitted for her if you want any chance of her wearing them. Did you take her to an audiologist to have her hearing loss assessed, then have the aids adjusted for her once she got them? If not, you have to do that.

I hope she'll eventually adapt to them, because hearing loss is very isolating and contributes to the progression of dementia. My mother was stubborn for years about getting hearing aids, and I'm sure not being able to hear didn't do her brain any favors.

I recently read an article that explains why hearing aids are hard to adapt to.

The main issue is the brain needs time to rewire, as it were, the sense of sound. This takes time and the longer the hearing loss, the longer it takes.

It also introduces sounds that can be startling and confusing at the beginning of the journey.

I don't know how to get her to wear them, maybe, telling her the monies already spent, so she should give it a chance. If she doesn't, she is the one wasting her money.

I like the idea of whispering and saying you are tired of yelling. Maybe throw in some mouthing only sentences.

Best of luck!

I'm just realizing that this is part of the reason I have cut down considerably on how much I talk to my mom. Since she can't hear me or understand me, what's the point?? I will NOT be doing any shouting. I'll write notes first!

My mostly deaf mother would insist everyone ELSE at the Memory Care ALF was deaf except for HER. She'd poke fun at the other residents and point out, loudly, how DEAF they were, not realizing she had the exact same issue (if not worse) than THEY did! Fun fun fun~!

I never even broached the subject of hearing aids with the woman. Just continued to holler at the top of my lungs and then have her ask me why I was screaming at her? Over & over, round & round, we'd go, like two crazy people embroiled in the same situation every time we tried to speak.

Some things never change. And we can't fix FOR them what they refuse to HAVE fixed. Keep that in mind and your life may get easier. Also, she's paid for NOTHING. It's all free and covered by Medicare. That was the lie I'd told my mother for everything from prescription glasses to wheelchairs to everything else under the sun. That too is much easier than expecting them to swallow the truth that eyeglasses are $1000 or hearing aids are $5,000.

Good luck!

Whisper,,alot.. then tell her your are shouting and tired of it . It may work!

My mom is the same way. She can't hear very well and with dementia that definitely contributes to crappy conversations. "I thought you said....." is a game I am soooo tired of playing. I'm not going to even go down that road at this point. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get her to use a CPAP for her severe sleep apnea. So disappointing that she couldn't use it and now is stuck with being exhausted for the rest of her life.

But we can't make someone with dementia learn new things. Or understand the value of the thing we KNOW will make their life better. So hard to let it go, but here we are.

I am going through this exact issue, literally yesterday and into today. My mom argues in illogical circles and is 92 with mild cognitive impairment and mild memory loss.

See if your mom is willing to put in just 1 hearing aid, which would be better than none. At the end of the day your mom's advanced age and dementia will prevent her from easily adapting to new things. You can try a "therapeutic fib" and tell her you'll pay for them. Even so, it may be Groundhogs Day every morning to get her to wear them. You must pick your battles. Other options available at much lower costs are sound amplifiers that she can wear around her neck and other, simpler devices. I tried to get my mom to use hearing aids 5 years ago when her cognition and memory were better but I think her vanity and fear prevented her. Trying to go at it with logic and reason will exhaust you. Maybe you can put on a "fake" pair yourself and show her they aren't "scary". Time to get creative, but you'll need to have tempered expectations if she rejects all attempts. Then "it is what it is". Wishing you success in helping to improve her ability to hear!