My mother will be living with me, I’ll be her 24 hr caregiver. Mom can be belligerent and mean to me when I kindly ask her to do simple tasks; for example, changing her depends. She’s fully capable to change her depends but she’d rather not. Mom will be mean, loud, and fight with me over simple hygiene suggestions. I wash her hair for her but she’ll be very difficult getting to the bathroom and argue with me. I can be very stern when necessary but don’t know if this is the right approach. The family has tried gentle and reasonable coaching to get mom to change her depends and it doesn’t work.
(((Hugs)))
A couple of things.
Google Teepa Snow and watch her very enlightening videos on YouTube. Share them with your family so that you are all on the same page.
You need to have your mom seen by a geriatric psychiatrist who may be able to prescribe meds that will help with her agitation and moodiness. I am NOT talking about "drugging her up". My mom's geripsychs were able to judiciously prescribe meds that kept her calm and happy.
Dealing with the care of a loved one with dementia is neither easy nor intuitive, I found. You came to a great site for support; I'm sure you'll get more suggestions here!