My mother has 7 living children who are all doing well with the exception of 1 daughter whom she wants to leave the house. I am honoring my mothers wishes to help her update the will. Not all the daughters agree with my mothers decision. My mother is of sound mind. I need some advice please. Thank you
You state you are honoring your mothers wishes. How so? Driving to the attorney so she can update the will? Does this update benefit you? And if not, Why doesn't your mother ask the one she is going to leave the house to drive her. After all the one benefiting should do the grunt work as well and all those not involved with the directive should stay out of that business regardless of honoring a wish. That is my advice.
Tell the other siblings to pound sand. I relate to this situation so well, because I was the daughter out of the two who didn't do so well while the other daughter--who was married and had a paid off house in the suburbs (in no small thanks to her husband, who was making $100K a year before he retired).
My father wanted to leave his house solely to me for the exact same reason as OP's mother but I declined, out of fair-mindedness and to avoid rocking the boat and inspiring accusations that the only reason I became a caretaker was to get the house. Besides, he couldn't hand over the house to me, anyway, because my mother was a co-owner.
When I declined, he said in so many words, "You don't understand. Your sister doesn't care about you. All she cares about are her kids." I thought he was being paranoid, but no--he couldn't have been more right.
I learned the hard truth when he died. My mother, who had dementia, was left as the sole owner. My sister, who I shared a POA with, started pestering me about making a trust. Okay, makes sense.
So...you're all going to love this...when it came down to putting our names on the dotted line, we had two choices of how the house was going to be deeded to us. Choice A was if either of us dies, the survivor gets the house, period, end of story. Choice B was that if either of us dies, the surviving children own half the house. Keep in mind: this was not the "family house" that we both grew up in. This is a house that my parents had bought when we were both adults. In fact, she bought her house the year after they did.
I wanted Choice A for the obvious reasons. If I had selected Choice B, I would've lost half a stake in my parents' house, and all three of her kids and her husband would've been co-owners of the house. On top of that, they would've also owned my sister's house.
So, I said, "No, let's do Choice A," signed on the dotted line and thought that the entire deal was over. What is unfair about that? You have a house. If you die, your kids will get you and your husband's house, regardless.
Well, three days later, my sister was calling the lawyer behind my back trying to back out of this trust she had pestered me into signing off on. on top of everything else, she, her husband and daughters started getting aggressive in terms of the management of the house, as if by virtue of having signed off on the trust, I had as good as died already and therefore owned the house.
So, bottom line: to OP, your mother knows what she's doing. Your family dynamic may be very similar to mine, where she senses that if she tried doing things even-steven with the one daughter, the more financially strong siblings might try to manipulate things in a way where she loses her stake or will have to answer to them.
A friend or neighbor of your mom can drive her the a lawyer's office, if that's what she wants. Anyone who goes there with her should be prepared to sit in the waiting room, because a lawyer will want to question mom extensively about her intent and capability. The lawyer will want to ensure that mom isn't being coerced. Personally, I wouldn't want to be within 10 miles of such an appointment if she were my mom! It's her circus and her monkeys. Let her be the sole ringmaster.
She has chosen to give her remaining assets to the child she sees as being in the most need of them.
Whether that is "right" or "wrong" is not my decision to make, nor yours, nor the other sibling's.
Stay out of it.
If your mother is of sound mind she is capable of contacting her own attorney and doing her own will. It's too bad she has involved you all to this extent instead of doing it herself. Any attorney can assist her with drawing up in her will her wishes and her reasons to be read after her death.
Everyone can go nuts at that time; she will be dead and uneffected.
If the 1 not-doing-well daughter inherits the house, will she be able to afford it? There are taxes, insurance, upkeep and repairs. We just got done paying a $2K surprise plumbing bill because of a rootball that grew into a main sewer line and was backing up into the basement. Will she inherit the house just to have to sell it, or lose it? This reality needs to be considered. My son paid a $3k plumbing bill on an older home be bought 2 years ago. Spending money on a home is constant.
Your Mom may eventually need more care than her family is willing and able to give and selling her home would get her an appropriate level of care. Many seniors have this to fall back on. Anticipation of inheritances can cause adult children to make some poor care decisions for their parents.
And, if your Mom ever needs Medicaid for pay for any LTC (which many elders do need eventually) then Medicaid will put a lien on the house so that even if this daughter inherits it, she will need to first pay off the lien to get ownership. This also needs to be considered.
Your Mom needs to make a rational decision, not an emotional one. It's her money, she can do what she wants, but there are always "downstream" consequences to any 1 decision. Maybe it would be better to have the Executor sell the house and evenly distribute the procedes. I would never recommend she split the house ownership into 7.
A 20 year old will should have been updated anyway long ago, so make that lawyer appointment today.
Jassy