My 87 y/o mother has undiagnosed dementia and will not see a doctor. She can bath, eat, and drives to store for food. She should not live alone. Should not drive. Getting worse fast. Delusions of property theft are manifesting with heat details, misplaced or hidden by her. Will not, just refuses to, move anywhere because of cost of places per month. Do I need to arrest her for her to comply. I have PoA and medical PoA. What is it that I can do to put her into a AL place. Her husband, dad, was a real Korean police action / war veteran. I live out of state and she can neither live with me, nor does she want to change states. Reading forum months, nothing like this situation.
I know it isn't easy to convince someone to move to senior living. My Mom refused to go. Dad happily moved after Mom passed. Find a place that offers Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Memory Care. The Staff at the facility will determine what is the best fit for your Mom.
Please note, the above places are usually "self-pay" meaning your Mom would need to pay out of pocket. But you can ask if they accept Medicaid (which is different from Medicare) if your Mom is self-pay for a certain amount of time.
Sometimes we have to wait for nature to take it course. Be it an illness or a hard fall which requires a stay in the hospital, then a stay at rehab, then move to senior living. Telling one's parents "doctor's orders".
Arresting your Mom? Sorry, the police cannot arrest your Mom for having memory problems and refusing to move to a senior facility.
When booking the physical, let the Doctor know your concerns so they give her some cognitive testing during the typical blood pressure, listen to heart/lungs routine. When did she last see a Doctor? No other health issues at all at 87 is pretty impressive.
speak to a social worker . You can check Mom’s county’s website , under services for aging or something similar . This is how I got my stubborn undiagnosed mother out of her home and placed .
The social worker went to my Mom’s house and spoke with her . The social worker decided my mother was not safe living alone . The social worker said that Mom could not “ come up with a plan “ when asked “ What would you do if ……”
for a number of scenarios .
The social worker was then in contact with an assisted living that I had already chosen and they agreed on a date of admission . The social worker was due to come back with “ big strong men “ to remove my mother from her house and bring her to assisted living .
However Mom ended up in the hospital before that , and I told the social worker at the hospital what was going on and she called the social worker that had been at Mom’s house . Mom ended up going to her assisted living from the hospital a few days later . The assisted living rushed Moms room to get it ready a few days early . I had Mom taken to her assisted living via ambulette transport . The hospital wanted to put Mom in my car . There was no way Mom would have gotten out of my car when we got to assisted living .
Paying for Ambulette transport to bring her to assisted living was the best money ever spent .
The other route you could take is APS. Adult Protective Services .
You can also contact DMV in the state your Mom lives in with your concerns about her driving . They may request she take a drivers test . But it may be quicker to take the car away from her if you can .
Good Luck .
There are plenty of people in your situation! Many elders with dementia refuse to see a doctor for a diagnosis, you're not alone.
As POA, you have an obligation to keep your mother off the road and not driving. Go see her and disable her car, #1. As POA, you have the power to place her in Assisted Living or Memory Care Assisted Living without her consent. You can sell her house to pay for the care costs.
Furthermore, since dad was a vet of the Korean War, she may be entitled to Aid and Attendance benefits on his behalf. Speak to the VA officer in moms state about that. The monthly benefits help offset the cost of managed care quite a bit.
Best of luck to you.