My mother has dementia and advance diabetes, cardiovascular and related health problems. She lives at home with my sis and recently sleeps a lot and no appetite. She does not want to go to the hospital. She is in no pain and just wants to rest. Is there any legal reason I need to force her to go to the hospital or call 911? I’m sensing this is final days for her but I’m not an doc. I know she will be more at rest at home. I’m POA but have a sister (also POA) that would argue that im be negligent. The sister does not do any. Caregiving other than text opinions and give her advice. She lives in Oregon and I live in Illinois but I fly out to help my middle sis who is primary caregiver and lives with mom. I do have dr appt for my mom tomorrow so they may say she must be admitted. Can my mom refuse even with dementia? Am I negligent if I grant her her wish of staying home? Thanks

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If she wishes no further medical intervention contact Hospice.
The nurse will make weekly visits to make sure everything is alright.
The CNA will come 2 to 3 times a week to give mom a bath or shower and to order supplies.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954

My mother, age 99, said the same thing, no more hospitals, no more tests, she is done. No dementia so she is quite capable of making her own decisions.

Of course, at her age they will always find something wrong, the latest was that she had Renal Failure, stage 4, they suggested dialysis....they were kidding right?

Nope, we just laughed and left,, Ciao, till we don't meet again!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to MeDolly

If it was me, I'd call the doctor, ask them if they want to see her, tomorrow or go to hospital, after explaining that she doesn't want that. Maybe they can have someone come out and evaluate your mom.
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Reply to Anxietynacy

My mom recently decided that she does not want to be taken to the hospital anymore. A counselor came into the AL facility to discuss it with her, and then she signed the necessary forms.

All of us kids were made aware of it, and we all supported her decision.
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Reply to olddude

Ok wait. The middle sis is doing most of the work but is the one who is not poa? How did that happen?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to PeggySue2020

My Mother also has said no more hospitals. I take that to mean, no burdonsome, painful or futile treatments. I wish to honour that BUT would need to consider any 'event' needing hospitalisation. Eg Is it a minor recoverable illness? Or an injury where treatment would most definately reduce pain? Eg IV fluids for dehydration? Sling & plaster for a fractured arm.

What does 'Not wanting to go to hospital' mean to your Mother?

Not be away from family? To remain in her comfort zone? (Family can visit in hospital & people can be made comfortable.)

Some will specifically state they wish to die at home. This also may be due to wanting to feel safe at home, be comfortable. Sometimes this is possible. Sometimes it is not. How many hands-on caregivers there are is a big factor. As is length of final stages.

Sending kind thoughts your way.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Beatty

Take her to the doctor's and let him run tests. If its found that Mom is in transition, then bring Hospice in.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29

Two POAs is not a good thing. I cannot imagine any attorney suggesting same. It should be one with an alternate or second.
If you and sister disagree about end of life care, that is a nightmare.

Your mother has dementia. Did she not do an advance directive for health care at any point?
Did she not discuss with anyone her end of life wishes?
You need now, as POA to discuss with the doctor Palliative Care and End of Life Hospice care. CHF with a failing heart at this age will almost certainly qualify this poor lady already suffering with dementia.

As I said, two co-equal POAs who disagree about end of life care, along with yet another sister who is the caregiver? No advance directive ever having been done? That is my idea of a true nightmare.
Your caregiver sister is the one doing the actual caregiving at this point.
You sisters need to GET TOGETHER and speak about the age, the condition of a failing heart, and a plan for end of life care that you can agree upon.
I can tell you that no doctor in his right mind (or hers) would suggest heroic care on a person in this condition and of this age.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer

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