It's been two long months watching him slowly decline.
So, I live locally and have watched my 89 year old dad decline since my mom passed a few years ago from Alzheimer's.
He is now at the end stage of hospice and I don't think I can be at his home to watch him pass away. It has been a slow gradual process, painful to watch, especially since I watched my mom lose her battle with Alzheimer's over several years and one terribly long year in a memory care home.
My dilemma is that I really don't want to be here when he passes, which could be in a day or two, especially since my older sister is flying in tomorrow who I don't get along with at all. I feel that she can be here when he passes away. Plus she has POA and is a control freak and is bipolar, so I have a difficult time being around her. Suggestions?
Say your final good-byes to Dad and let him know it is ok to go, that you will be fine. I did that with my Dad, he was in a coma state, and he passed in the wee hours of the morning. His caregiver was with him, and she had called me. For me, I believe my Dad didn't want me to witness his transition.
Sorry to hear about your loss and thks again for sharing. Peace, light and love to you
You've already been through this with your mother, so you know end of life is rarely as depicted on TV. So, if you decide you just can't be there to watch your father die, then say your goodbyes now, and let your sister and hospice nurse(s) be there physically. Just because you may be out of the room doesn't mean you are not "there." That being said, please do not let your relationship with your sister influence your decision. Make up your own mind and let your sister know.
It's o.k. if your emotional journey ends before your father's physical journey.
All the best to you and your family!
You have been caring for your father for a long, long time and this final ordeal is too much. You don't want to be there.
Your sister is arriving tomorrow, you don't get on with her, and you don't want to be there.
So that's two good reasons to make yourself scarce. Is there any reason you might want to stay?
I.ve had enough of it all. Every visit i would hear how lonely and bored he was. He read 4 different newspapers every day, did his word puzzles, played black jack on his ipad, watched lots of tv and would tell me things about ending his life. I would visit even though he would find a way to demean and criticize me.
Most of the time i would cry all the way home.
Yup i.ve had way more than enough! Thank you for helping me acknowledge it!
I reminded myself that even a rose doesn’t last forever.
I believe that you should take a few moments with your Dad when he is lucid and tell him how much you love him and tell him that if you are not there at his passing, that it is OK, and that you will be alright, and that it is OK for him to let go.
Don't let any part of your feelings on the matter be guided or guilted by anyone else, they are your feelings and yours alone, and are perfectly normal and understandable. Your Dad knows you have been there all along in his journey and he understands exactly how you feel, you are his daughter after all, they do know these things. Hopefully your sister will now step up to the plate and have her own special moments with her Dad, you have done your fair share., and your Dad knows.
I pray that his transition is swift and peaceful, and do know that you have been an Amazing Caregiver to him. Love and Peace to you and your family during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Hugs!
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.